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23 Tweets About Horoscopes That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

"Horoscope: you will have a bad day that will last the rest of your life."

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i love leonardo dicapricorn. he is my favorite horoscope

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*uses my one phone call from jail to check my horoscope*

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Laugh at me all you want for checking my horoscope, but at least I have an idea of what probably won’t happen to me this week.

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when I was 9 I read a horoscope that said Capricorns achieve success late in life & I've based my whole existence around that belief

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reading a boys horoscope to understand wtf hes doing to you

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Tweets from Scorpio horoscope acct I follow sound like they were written by a 2nd cousin right before asking to borrow money

7.

As an egotistical Leo, I read everyone else's horoscope because they're probably all about me anyway.

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Accurate Horoscope: "Pisces: Your cold hunger for meaning in an uncaring universe will force you to read this newspaper filler page."

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"i like you because when i look at horoscope predictions, i check yours too."

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how to lose a guy in ten days ignored the part where you text your dude his horoscope

11.

Just once I would like my horoscope to forget about love and career and tell me to eat a donut because I deserve to instead.

12.

HOROSCOPE: today you will hear but not see a cat throwing up

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Hi, Pisces! Here's your Daily Horoscope for November 11th, 2013: thinking about doing a thing? lol no. don't. yeah, no, i know. but don't.

15.

Haven't read my horoscope in forever, because I assume it just says, "Sorry, you're still not Connie Britton."

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today's horoscope: show a cab driver your nipple

17.

My friend is doing my horoscope. I told her I like tropical fish and blowing bubbles. She says I sound like a typical Aquarium.

18.

YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY: your crush is aloof but definitely wants u to come over and look at tupac pics (bring some with u)

19.

I knew that Mayan end of the world thing was a lot of superstitious nonsense when my horoscope didn't mention it.

20.

horoscope: you will have a bad day which will last the rest of your life

21.

Daily Horoscope for Gemini: you were born into a sprawling mostly empty universe and you think choices you make are important

22.

Every Horoscope should begin, "This week [insert planet name] will make you gullible".

23.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

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