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11 Things To Do When Somebody Dumps You Shittily

For everyone who's ever been ghosted on.

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1. Treat yo' self.

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It sucks to be broken up with, period, but when someone breaks up with you in a shitty manner (i.e. ghosting, by text, by five-minute phone call, a Post-it, you are dealing with an extra layer of hurt: This person didn't respect me enough to break up with me considerately. And, just like coming down with a sudden but curable sickness, it's a). not your fault, and b.) something you just have to let run its course.

What I'm saying is: if you've ever wanted to eat cake for dinner every night for a week, now is the time to do it.

2. Delete your ex from your life (as much as you can).

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SERIOUSLY. If this is someone who's treated you poorly, and seeing their face on your newsfeed only triggers pain, why would you stay Facebook friends? Or keep following them on Instagram? If you're in the same friend group, or work together, you can always mute their tweets/Facebook updates if you're worried about it being too awkward to disconnect completely.

If you're lucky enough to have few or no mutual friends, do yourself a favor — fully block them on Facebook, and maybe even from your phone. Make it so the only way they can contact you is, like, through a LinkedIn invite, or something embarrassing like that.

3. Make no effort to contact them again.

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You know when you text a crush, but they don't respond right away? And how waiting those few hours makes you incredibly anxious, until you get the text, and you feel satisfied and validated?

Even if your ex does not want to date you, there's still a part of them, however small, that will feel slightly smug if they get a drunk text or "accidental" Instagram like from you at 3:00 a.m. Why give them the gift of knowing you still care, or are thinking of them at all?

4. Vent to your buds as much as you need — at least for the first week or two.

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Much of friendship is about having fun and keeping each others' secrets. True friendship, though, is tested when one of you gets dumped horribly and needs to vent. A lot. Most of us have been there at least once, and it's your duty as a friend to listen when they're telling you, for the fourth time, about how their stupid ex used to eat sushi with a fork. Then, when it happens to you, it's their turn to listen.


5. Dive into something you’ve always wanted to do.

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Have you always wanted to get into jogging or kickboxing? This is absolutely the best time to start. Like, you will marvel at your own freakish level of superhuman strength, and it's all thanks to all those pent-up emotions. Feeling creatively stuck? You'll probably create some of your best work during this time, because those feelings are RAW. Why do you think the greatest songs of all time are mostly about terrible exes?

Remember: in the grand scheme of things, this is going to be a pretty short window of rage and suffering, despite how endless it feels in the beginning. You won't be this mad forever, so why not put that anger to good use?

6. Start dating again (or not) at your own pace.

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Even if the relationship was a short-lived fling, or it doesn't feel like a full breakup because it happened via email, that doesn't make your emotions any less valid. It still hurts, and it still puts a dent in your ability to trust — because now, you're worried that the next person you date will ditch you just as coldly.

One day, though, you'll be ready to take that risk in hopes you find someone worth it. That day might not be today, or tomorrow, or two months from now. So if you've downloaded Tinder but pretty much only use it to screen-cap weird profiles to send to your friends, you're fine, bro. Take it slow.

7. Remember that not EVERYTHING about your ex is the human equivalent of New York City trash on a hot summer day.

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Sure, anyone who straight-up ghosted on you with little to no explanation is, by definition, a loser. Still, your ex probably had some good qualities, or things about them that you liked. It's important to remember that those qualities are not, in themselves, red flags, or "signs" that anyone who has them will only hurt you the same way.

So if you meet someone who reminds you of your ex — because they, too, like indie films and sriracha products — don't write them off! They might just be the RIGHT spicy food-loving, film-addicted boo 4 u.

8. Avoid seeking closure right away, even if you're mostly over it.

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After a bit, you might feel like while you're truly over the relationship itself, you still want to air out the method of the breakup, and the disrespect you felt. That's fair. It's important to remember, though, that even if your ex apologizes, it might not make you feel better, and it could confuse your feelings. Or, they might not apologize, and only make you feel worse.

Closure is possible, and it's great if you can get it by talking to your ex. But know that it takes time, and that it's possible to get it alone, too. Give yourself time to think about what re-opening the door with your ex would really do, and decide whether it's worth the risk.


9. Remember that if you do hear from your ex again, it probably won’t turn out how you expected.

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For example: If you've been planning a laundry list of insults, they might come back at you with a sincere and self-aware apology that you NEVER thought you'd hear. And if you've come to terms with why they broke up with you, and feel ready to forgive them with open arms, they might say or do something newly shitty that'll make you wonder why you ever gave them so much thought in the first place.

In either case, it's best to just move on with your life without them, at least until either outcome has minimal impact on you.

10. Remember that this breakup, and the way it happened, is a sign that it never would have worked out.

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If your ex broke up with you over the phone while you were out with friends, or on the day of a promotion, or on your birthday, IMAGINE how much worse it would be if they bailed on you during a time when you actually needed them. This would have happened, whether sooner or later, because that's the kind of person they are. Be glad that it surfaced sooner, and that now you can move on.

11. Accept that the way you were broken up with is in no way a reflection of you.

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Unless you threatened their safety in some way, or this has happened to you, like, 17 times in a row, it's not about you. Look at Mariah in this gif. That's you. You are wonderful, and this incident is nothing but a tiny, crusty speck of bird poo on the rearview mirror of your life.

Drive on, queen.