The Definitive Ranking Of Ways To Flirt With Your Crush LOL, LinkedIn requests. by ,
s3-ec.buzzfed.com / Via ABC
Aside from checking your voicemail being an arduous process that no human should ever undergo, it somehow always makes your voice sound 1000x sadder and creepier, like the villain in a Liam Neeson movie. There is almost no way to pull this off and look cute.
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"Poking" hasn't been a thing since 2008, and even back then it was pretty weird. Why is it called "poking," anyway? Why not "winking" or "I'd like to take you out"-ing? Has anyone ever been poked and felt romantic afterward?
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Everyone Facebook messages each other, and the read receipts make everyone kind of dread these, so all of us have a pile of unread Facebook messages we're avoiding like the plague. Don't be part of the plague. (Also, the Facebook and Facebook Messenger apps are now SEPARATE on iPhones, which is all sorts of messed up and unsexy.)
NICE ATTEMPT AT BEING SUBTLE AND TRYING TO "NETWORK." Not only will your crush never check LinkedIn if they have a steady job, but also, whaaaaat? You have so many other options! (See below.)
You don't need to send a dick pic for Snapchat flirting to still be kind of awkward. Seriously, what are you going to send? Your face? Your cat? How does one even flirt on this?
Writing on Facebook in general is always a little awkward because like, no one else really cares and it's kind of uncomfortable for everyone to see you flirting out in the wild. It's the equivalent of sharing the same side of a diner booth — you can, but do you NEED to?
Emails are fine. They're not good or bad and they can be versatile and be used to carefully disguise how much you want to bone the other person if you're just forwarding tickets to an event.
Twitter Direct Messages
What's good is that the person had to have followed you back for this interaction to happen, so the creep factor is hypothetically gone, unless, of course, you say something creepy. It's a lot of power, too much for some, but if used correctly, it can be kind of cool.
This is flattery in its highest form. You're not only agreeing with the person, you're volunteering to share their thoughts about nonfat yogurt with the world. No one's ever gotten annoyed with a retweet.
Calling is intimate and bold, so it gets a lot of points. But the act of calling can be quite terrifying, and picking up the phone even more so. Definitely gets the blood rushing!
These are tricky because a really thoughtful, funny, romantic note on good paper written in perfect cursive pretty much makes you Mr. Darcy. But sloppily written on a Post-it with a joke that doesn't quite land? Serious serial killer vibes.
They're simple, they're easy, and you can do a lot of these without worrying that you're coming on too strong. They're the best way to say, "I want my body on your body" while also saying, "I've got my own life and will subtly wink at you by liking everything you do."
This is a no-brainer. You want to move things forward with your crush? Text them regularly with funny musings about your day while also showing interest in their passions. Done, easy.
Chatting on Google during the day (when you're at work or in class) is sneaky and sexy. It's basically like hooking up in a bathroom during a wedding that isn't yours.
Same benefits as Facebook likes, except you're approving thoughts over cute photos, showing that you appreciate their mind and their humor. Keep 'em coming.
Talking in Real Life
pinterest.com / Via Disney
This is what everything else is leading up to after all, isn't it?
Is there anything more satisfying in this world than putting up a stone cold sexy selfie and having your crush respond with a resounding "HELL YAAAAAS" with the mere double tap of an iPhone screen? No, there isn't.
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