How Secretly Gross Are You?

(It’s OK, no one will ever know which ones you clicked.)

    1. 1 You derive a special enjoyment from popping pimples.
    2. 2 You’ve had a deep-seated urge to pop someone else’s pimples.
    3. 3 And you followed your dreams and actually DID pop someone else’s pimples.
    4. 4 You’re always a little proud of those extra-crunchy eye crusts you accumulate in the morning.
    5. 5 And you genuinely admire the puddle of drool on your pillow.
    6. 6 You feel an inexplicable comfort from squeezing the blackheads on your nose.
    7. 7 Or, if you’re a little fancier, you simply MUST look at the dirt on the little hairs on your blackhead nose/chin strips.
    8. 8 You feel a strong sense of personal accomplishment when producing a really long poop.
    9. 9 (Or just a lot of poop in general, like to fill the whole toilet.)
    10. 10 Your meaning of the word “excavate” directly relates to examining the big chunks of food hanging on your floss.
    11. 11 You feel a wave of inspiration when your morning breath is so stinky that you can smell it from one soft exhale.
    12. 12 And you’re endlessly fascinated by farts you can still smell after a good few seconds.
    13. 13 You feel great satisfaction from digging up a sizable hunk of earwax.
    14. 14 And if your Q-tip leaves you wanting more, you just keep digging until you strike gold.
    15. 15 It’s an early Christmas for you when you scrape out some quality dirt from under your nails.
    16. 16 And you like to welcome the winter holidays by scratching your head and forming a tiny dandruff blizzard.
    17. 17 You feel mighty clever for noticing and pulling out the hairs that get stuck in your butt after a shower.
    18. 18 And you experience a wave of inner strength when you blow out a lot of mucus.
    19. 19 You like to marvel at how a particularly large booger managed to stay intact after you pick it out.
    20. 20 Then, you carefully place said booger under a table and feel like a champion.
    21. 21 OR YOU EAT IT, if you’re actually a champion.
    22. 22 You feel fierce for biting off a teeny chunk of your lip and then swallowing it.
    23. 23 And you feel a life-changing sense of joy when you burp in your mouth and can taste what you previously ate.
    24. 24 You sometimes wipe greasy potato chip hands all over your laptop and are amazed at the amount of oily substance you just consumed.
    25. 25 And you consider yourself a perfect scavenger when finding and eating leftover crumbs in your sweater.
    26. 26 You experience a complex mix of horrified and impressed when plucking out an ingrown hair that got freakishly long in its fleshy cavern.
    27. 27 You’re always a little pleasantly surprised when you smell your pits and realize your smelliness-potential.
    28. 28 You like to hock loogies and feel like a true city slicker.
    29. 29 Or, you’ll try to hock a loogie, accidentally spit all over your chin, and suck it all back up anyway.
    30. 30 You slyly avoid washing your hands when no one else is around (because you’re in a rush).
    31. 31 Or you do it for the sheer thrill of getting away with it.
    32. 32 You like to challenge how long you can go without changing your sheets.
    33. 33 And you feel like the king/queen of the world when you smell an unwashed outfit and deem it suitable enough for a re-wear.
    34. 34 You smile on the inside when your puke is a pretty color.
    35. 35 But you also embrace the chunkier variety because you believe all puke should be loved.
    36. 36 You feel overcome with an alluring sense of mystery when you lift up the toilet seat and see the grime underneath.
    37. 37 And you are consistently intrigued by hardened toothpaste in your sink that even the strongest streams of water can’t wash out.
    38. 38 You feel truly alive when you pee the moment you get into the shower.
    39. 39 And you feel like a true artist when sticking loose hairs on the shower wall instead of throwing them out.
    40. 40 This list didn’t make you nauseous!

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