Thank you for showing me that I am stronger than I ever knew I could be-
In the beginning there were nights where I couldn't breathe. I couldn't make it a single day without crying. My heart felt physical pain. I would sob in my pets arms, because I there was nothing else that made me feel better. I would look at my tear-filled eyes in the mirror and ask myself how I would ever be able to get over this pain. How I could go on living. I always felt sick. I went from sleeping like a baby to tossing and turning for hours. I prayed to God every night for strength. I didn't even have a relationship with him at the time, but I felt that was the only hope I had. Back then I would spend every hour of the day thinking of you. Everything I saw reminded me of you. Then one day I got stronger. One day I realized I hadn't thought about you once. Then a day turned into days and days turned into weeks. I felt this sense of power that I never had before. I felt strong- more independent then ever. Instead of hating life I started cherishing every day, being so thankful that I was alive. I finally felt like this was something I could conquer. I used to call myself weak. Now I know I am strong. And I did that all on my own.
Thank you for showing me that I don't need a man to be happy-
I now know why I couldn't leave you. And it's what everyone says. Comfort. I had spent almost half a decade with you and that was my routine. I didn't want to be alone. I couldn't be alone. You were like a drug. I became addicted to something that was so terrible for me. I wanted to see you everyday. I wanted to talk to you as much as possible. I wanted everything that you didn't. But now I know that's because you weren't the one for me. Yes sometimes I feel lonely. I wish I had someone to watch movies with, cuddle, go on fun adventures- but I tell myself that when it is the right time, God will bring someone into my life. Until then, I am perfectly fine with the life I am living. Before, I only thought of my future with you. Every decision I made revolved around you first. Now I put myself first. I will never let a man control my mind and my life again. I am happy, and that happiness does not come from anyone other than myself.
Thank you for showing me the way a woman deserves to be treated-
This one is big. Thank you SO much for showing me how I never want to be treated ever again. Thank you for showing me the way a woman never deserves to be treated. The way no single person on the planet deserves to feel. A woman does not deserve to be screamed at, cussed at, ignored, lied to- just emotionally beaten down for years. I can't believe I ever let someone treat me so terrible. I never felt special. I never felt loved. I questioned all the time whether you even loved me the way I loved you, but I'd push it out of my head and ignore it. Now I know that wasn't right. Now I know the kind of man I want God to bring to me. Someone who is kind- they are considerate of your feelings, compliment you, treat you with respect. Someone who is patient- they don't yell at you every time you make them mad. Someone who loves to have fun- they want to spend time with you just as much as you want to spend time with them and you laugh together 10x more than you ever argue. Someone who is forgiving- when they're mad they don't hold it against you. They don't call you names. They forgive you for all the little mistakes in life and love you for who you are. Someone who has a passion for life- they have goals and ambitions and want to make a better future for themselves and you. Someone who doesn't go out and drink every night and make horrible decisions that affect everyone around him. Maturity. And someone who is loving- they just make you feel like the most special person in the world, and you never have to doubt if they truly love you. They show you that every single day instead of just saying the words.
Thank you for bringing me to Jesus-
Like I said, before this my relationship with God and Jesus was pretty much nonexistent. At one point I didn't even believe in God anymore. But slowly and surely I am growing a profound relationship with the one who truly matters. I tell my friends and family that I can not believe the transformation I've made and how much different my life was just a few months ago. And I always know that that is because of Him. He listens. He cares. I have so much to learn. When I was with you I never went to church. Church was the farthest from my priorities. Now I literally get excited to read my Bible. My life has only gotten better since I started giving my heart to Him and that is the biggest blessing I could ask for.
Thank you for teaching me how to forgive even when someone doesn't deserve it-
This one is hard. It is so hard to say you forgive someone who has never asked for forgiveness. Someone who's never shown an ounce of remorse. Someone who once shattered your heart into 5 million pieces, who made you feel worthless and hate life entirely. But hating you would only give you satisfaction. Living a miserable life would give you joy. Hating you only gives me anger and I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy. I wouldn't wish the pain you put me through on even my worst enemy (which is probably you), but I do forgive you. And not because what you did was okay. Because nothing about the way you treated me was okay, but because I deserve that closure within myself. I didn't get it from you, so I'm doing it myself. I only hope that one day you can realize how badly the things you do and say effect people. Maybe someone will do the same to you and you'll finally realize you should become a better man, but that is not up for me to decide. I have no place for you in my heart anymore. I will no longer worry about you. I will no longer care. I used to say that if you ever needed me in life, even if it was 3,000 miles away I would jump in my car and go, but now if I saw your phone number on my screen I would ignore it, put my phone away, and go on with my day. And I can do that, because God gave me the power to forgive you. He decided you were worthy of forgiveness, so that is all I can give.
Thank you for giving me the chance to find a man who truly loves me-
Now that you're gone I finally have a chance to find someone who will give me everything I've ever dreamed of. And not just material items. I want to work hard for myself so that no man ever feels that he has that power over me. But a man who will love me and cherish me for the rest of my life. I honestly probably never would've left if you hadn't done it for me. I spent so many days hurt, crying, lonely, so angry I couldn't stand it- but I never gave up. I always told myself that you would change and that we would get better. I was lying to myself. You truly can't change someone that doesn't want change themselves and the only changes you ever made were bad ones. So I am so glad you left me. I can gladly tell people you broke up with me, because I know it was for the 100% best. You didn't win. I did. And someday, no matter if it's a year, 5, 10 or even 20, I will find someone who is worthy of all the love I have to give.
Thank you for breaking my heart-
I never could've dreamed I'd be saying those words, but that is honestly the best thing you've ever done. My life is happy now. Full. I have purpose, and it's not you. I have a purpose to work hard, help people, to spend time with all the people who truly matter. I used to pray to God for months that he would find a way to bring you back into my life, and now when I think about that I feel crazy. That is something I will never pray for again. I thank Him everyday now for getting me out of a toxic, unhealthy, emotional train-wreck of a relationship. I have a long way to go. I have so many more things to learn. I know I can be even happier, but I am perfectly content with the way my life is now. I won't wish that those years would disappear, because they've made me who I am now, and I have never been prouder of myself. You leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, because now, I am free.