1. This is crazy person/former baseball player Jose Canseco.
Of course the most recent photo of him on the wire is from the red carpet of the porn awards. Of course.
2. This is comedian, accused joke thief, and dude-bro extraordinaire Dane Cook. Last night, Cook decided to follow Canseco on Twitter.
3. And thank God he did, because it gave us the greatest tweet you can ever imagine.
4. Let’s look at that again.
This is perfect. It’s actually a somewhat apt metaphor. In fact, the only slight issue is that Dane Cook is currently not as hot as 1988 Jose Canseco was. If Canseco had tweeted this in 2006, it would be perfect. But by far the best part of this tweet is that the wording is simultaneously batshit crazy (“I WAS YOU NOW THEN”), while somehow making perfect logical sense (Jose was Cook as he is now, back then, but for baseball). Only Jose can take a somewhat intelligent comparison and then make it sound absolutely insane without totally losing its meaning. Thank you, Jose. Thank you.
6. The world’s reaction to seeing this tweet:
- A newly unearthed Homeland Security report contradicts Donald Trump's travel ban, saying country of origin is not a reliable indicator of terrorism.
- A draft of an Obamacare repeal plan was released that would strip many benefits and taxes from the healthcare law, while blocking federal funds from Planned Parenthood.
- Time to change your passwords: Uber and Fitbit are among the millions of websites that may have been compromised 🔐
- A billboard in North Carolina that claims "Real men provide. Real women appreciate it," has sparked controversy across the country 👀