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Minnesota Couple Hated The Olympics For Being Too Sexy

This couple was furious about the "pagan noise" and "cleavage" on display. Way too sexy!

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Dennis P. & Rosemarie Mitchell sent the following letter to the Duluth News Tribune regarding this year's Olympics. They were very upset. The original letter is in bold. BuzzFeed Sports' FireJoeMorgan-style commentary is in plain text.

We’ve enjoyed past Olympic openings and closings, and some of the sports.

Fair enough. Who likes all the sports? Nobody. You know why? Dressage.

But the quality of the past two or three Olympics has been a great disappointment.

You can't blame these people. They're right. The way NBC covers games is—

The entertainment of this latest Olympics was dark, loud, sexualized with scanty clothes and revealing cleavage on women, and with disturbing pagan noise. Connecting children, beds plus frightening villains made one think of pedophiles.

... Wait. What?

The black and red colors of sex and violence dominated most of the closing. The nuns were obviously there to mock Christianity while one could only think of Satan being glorified.

Obviously. When Monty Python brings out nuns Christianity is about to be mocked. How come? Because everyone knows Eric Idle is a satanist. (You know what they say about Idle hands.)

The comical entrance of the queen was one of the few bright spots.

Dennis P. and Rosemarie Mitchell are fine with a stunt man dressed up like an octogenarian jumping out of a plane, so long as he's not dressed like a nun. Because Satan.

Past Olympics had spectacular bright, cheerful and family-style entertainment but the English seem to have put teens who worship Satan in charge. It was disgraceful and we suffered through them hoping for some improvement.

I'm pretty sure the Mitchell's worldview was rocked by those DateLine and 20/20 reports on teenage satanists from the late '80s and early '90s. The fact that there was rock and roll at both ceremonies only confirms their suspicions.

Some of the clothes the competitors wore also reflect the sexualized entertainment.

Oh no.

The male swimmers look unprofessional with their hip-huggers trunks stopping just above their pubic region, as also the women’s track and volleyball with their underwear-bikinis.

First, I'm just going to set aside the interesting sentence structure above ("as also?") before my brain explodes. Yeah, how dare these athletes possibly compete in clothing that has been scientifically made for optimum performance? What would the Mitchells rather have them wear? The fencing gear would probably cause a bigger splash in the pool so I don't think divers would love the change (also the electronics in those suits would probably fry Tom Daley alive as soon as he hit the water, but hey at least Dennis wouldn't have to see the outline of his balls). As for the runners, I bet the couple Mitchell loved seeing that woman from Saudi Arabia. Not a lot showing there. Of course they also probably think she's a godless heathen who hasn't yet accepted Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior, but at least her ass isn't hanging out. Amirite?

All are offensive and degrading. These styles are also now worn in our schools and colleges, which no one seems to have objected to.

I wouldn't say no one. For instance there's this really obnoxious couple in Minnesota.

The girls’ gymnastics also are sexualized in their swimsuits and are too tight around the buttocks plus partially expose their butts.

Two thoughts. One, swimsuits? Two, I don't think they know what "plus" means.

We had enough with all the sexuality which took away any enjoyment to watch so we only watched the entertainment.

I have no idea what this means. Except a pretty boring life in the bedroom for Dennis.

Rio Di Janeiro has nothing better to offer with more dark juvenile entertainment and women parading around sexually, displaying cleavage and little talent.

Actually they're probably right on this one. The only problem is the Mitchells seem disappointed about this. I couldn't be more pumped. After all if any city knows how to throw entertaining parades and ceremonies...(NSFW).

Dennis P. & Rosemarie Mitchell

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