1. How did James Harden play?
After being dominant for most of the playoffs, James Harden delivered a terrible Finals performance, averaging only 12 points a game and shooting 37% from the field.
2. What was LeBron thinking when he finally won the title?
And if he was talking to Cleveland and Dan Gilbert then yes. They mad.
3. What were Cleveland fans and Dan Gilbert thinking when the Heat won?
Again, they mad.
4. How did the Heat feel when Mario Chalmers played well?
When Mario Chalmers brings anything to the table for this Heat team it’s found money. After averaging 5.7 points on 32% shooting for the first three games, Mario showed up. In the final two games of the series he averaged 17.5 points on 57% from the field.
5. How did Oklahoma City feel when Mario Chalmers played well?
Again, Mario Chalmers should not be killing you. Particularly when Kevin Durant was guarding him in Game 4.
6. How did Mario Chalmers feel when Mario Chalmers played well?
According to a report on ESPN.com, Mario Chalmers is insanely confident, even if his talent doesn’t always live up to his perception of that talent. When asked who he would compare his game to, he hilariously answered, “Chris Paul.”
7. What did Kevin Durant think every time LeBron played defense on him?
Kevin Durant had a pretty good series all things considered, but the one recurring theme was Durant’s inability to score when the Heat would put LeBron on him.
8. How did Thunder fans feel about the fouls at the end of Games 3 and 4?
Whether you’re talking about James Harden’s dumb blocking foul at the end of Game 3 (that prevented the Thunder from having a shot to potentially tie the game) or Russell Westbrook intentionally fouling Mario Chalmers at the end of Game 4 when he didn’t have to (which gave Miami the free throws to put the game out of reach), it’s clear that if the Thunder ever want to win a title, they’ll have to learn to play smarter basketball down the stretch.
9. What would have happened to Erik Spoelstra if the Heat had lost?
Make no mistake. If the Thunder had pulled this out, Coach Spo would have been Miami’s (bizarrely young looking) scapegoat.
10. What happens when Chris Bosh tries to high five someone?
Chris Bosh is a spaz.
11. What did Charles Barkley do when he realized Eddy Curry had won an NBA Championship?
Other players to win a title while Chuck is ringless: Adam Morrison, Brian Cardinal, Scot Pollard, and James “Flight” White.
12. How did every NBA fan in the world respond to Mike Miller shooting 7 for 8 on 3 pointers in Game 5?
Mike Miller has been less effective as a member of the Miami Heat than Hector Salamanca was as a guy whose wheelchair didn’t explode. I’ll never understand how this happened.
13. What did Shane Battier do to prepare for this series?
This on the other hand is clear. Shane Battier time traveled and kidnapped the 2006 version of himself. It’s the only explanation.
14. What did Pat Riley think when he saw his creation finally come together?
Dwyane Wade was also seen doing this in the locker room after Game 5.
15. How did the Thunder react to Dwyane Wade’s excellent series?
Speaking of Dwyane, after having spotty moments throughout these playoffs (and a “just ok” Game 1), Wade made a giant impact on this series. 23.5 points per game over the Heat’s wins, including an excellent performance down the stretch of Game 4.
16. How did the Spurs react to the Thunder’s performance in the Finals?
You have to imagine the old guys in San Antonio enjoyed watching the upstart Thunder falter under the pressure of the Finals.
17. What was the most frustrating thing about these playoffs?
18. How do 80% of NBA players feel when Jeff Van Gundy starts ranting about flopping?
The flopadmeic has spread so far and wide that the league is considering punishments for players who flop. JVG will throw a parade if that happens. And that parade will be super weird and awesome. I bet there will be candy and Stan will probably show up.
19. What did all viewers think as soon as every Finals halftime show started?
Shaq is doing his best to kill what makes TNT’s studio show amazing. Everyone’s role is well defined. Last year they had found the perfect balance of Chuck as the guy who says crazy bullshit, Kenny as the guy who makes intelligent points and coaxes Chuck to bullshit, and Ernie as the fun substitute teacher archetype. Throw in Chris Weber showing up once in a while to be a secretly amazing analyst and you had a PERFECT studio show. Having Shaq there too is like having a junior varsity version of Charles Barkley who thinks he’s funnier than Barkley. It’s bad. But all that said, the TNT show still is 6008% better than ESPN’s bore fest.
20. What did David Stern do when he saw the ratings for the Finals?
This Finals was the most watched series since 2004. To put that in perspective, that was Shaq and Kobe’s last series on the same team. Last night’s Game 5 drew 15.5 million viewers. The NBA is so ecstatic today that David Stern has skipped his daily ritual of asking someone if they’ve stopped beating their wife yet.
21. How does Kevin Durant feel today?
Watching Kevin Durant walk down the tunnel last night was sad. It’s going to be a rough few months for the young superstar, but he’ll be back.
Durant’s sad walk.
22. What would Kevin Durant say about LeBron’s play in the Finals?
Speaking of superstars, even Durant has to give it up to the Finals that LeBron had. He averaged damn near a triple double (28.6 points, 7.4 assists, and 10.2 rebounds) and closed out the series with one (26/13/10). He’s the king for a reason.
23. What should you do to someone who says the NBA isn’t exciting?
Because those people are dicks. And wrong. Don’t be a wrong dick.
- Donald Glover has been cast as Simba in Disney's remake of "The Lion King."