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21 Struggles Every Australian Parent Has To Face

The struggle is real, and it's sunburnt.

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1. When they admit liking Marmite more than Vegemite.

Walt Disney

Nobody wants to be responsible for bringing another Marmite-lover into the world.

2. When they learn what a blue bottle is the hard way.


Mainly because it's damn near impossible to keep a straight face when you hide the truth about vinegar and tell them pee is the only solution.

3. When you have to explain that they’re eating Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, not beef.


"Don't cry, kid. It's for his own good, I promise."

4. When you have to take them anywhere near a Medicare, Centrelink, or Transport Department office.


Come on government offices, would a toy corner kill you?

5. When you’re the worst parent in the world for refusing to buy them anything Billabong.

Universal Pictures

Don't you know they'll die without those $80 board shorts?!

6. When their cane toad whacking game is weak.


You've clearly failed them as a parent if they don't know how to whack a toad. What are you doing with your life? You should be ashamed.

7. When you have to educate them on the dangers of the Australian environment without leaving them too scared to leave the house altogether.

Walt Disney Pictures

"Look, everything out there can kill you, but you know, it probably wont... Maybe. Just make sure you check your shoes and under the toilet seat for spiders and snakes and you should be gold."

8. When they want to watch In The Night Garden.


Why are they not as terrified of this show as you are? What do they know?

9. When they refuse to wear their rashie at the beach.

Comedy Central

"Fine, kid. It's your funeral."

10. When they get so sunburnt at the beach that they look like a human bacon rasher, and you have to listen to the subsequent whinging.


At least you get to say "I told you so" and perform the dance that goes with it.

11. When they hear the bell on the Home Ice-cream truck.

New Line Cinema

Quick, hide!

12. When they won't stop screaming until they get something from the Home Ice-cream truck.

Twentieth Century Fox Productions

"OMG fine! I'll get you a damn raspberry split - just for the love of all that is holy, STOP CRYING."

13. When they turn three and you have to pay for their plane ticket, even though they're nowhere near mature enough to handle a seat of their own.

Universal Pictures

"Move over kid, Mummy had to pay for that space and dammit she is going to use it."

14. When it's back to school time, and you live rural, meaning the nearest shopping centre is three hours away.


"Are we there yet?"

You better pray there's a bottle-o in that place because you're going to need it.

15. When you discover they have zero aptitude for sports.


You try not to look too devastated, because you know it's bad for their self esteem.

But hey - at least you get to keep your Saturday sleep-ins!

16. When you discover they have too much of an aptitude for sports.

Paramount Pictures

Kiss those weekend sleep-ins goodbye - at least until they're old enough to get themselves there.

17. When they finally use their sarcasm against you, and you can't decide if you're proud or angry.


Admit it, you're proud. You've taught them well. Give yourself a pat on the back and crack a stubby - you've earned it.

18. When they refuse to go to the toilet on a thunderbox because they're scared of falling into the poop tank.


That and the potential deadly wildlife lurking under the seat.

19. When they perfect their sand bomb crafting technique and use you for target practice.


(This is also when you wish you had the kid that's no good at sports.)

20. When they eventually learn what "beer tax" is and start collecting.


Well, it was good while it lasted.

21. When they’re finally all grown up, and you realise that you’ve raised a little legend.


And you couldn't be more proud of them.