32 Tips For Getting Over A Broken Heart From People Who've Already Been There
"Every breakup is simply an opportunity!"
We recently asked our BuzzFeed Community to tell us their tipis for getting over a broken heart. Here are some of their words:
If you're feeling heartbroken and want to try out some of the tips listed in this post, make sure that you're still following the COVID-19 social distancing guidelines that are specific to your area to keep yourself and others safe.
"I wrote a list of all the things I’d achieved without that person – it showed me how amazing my life was without them and how it can be again. Then write a list of all the things you want to do."
"CRY. Don't hold it in. Get your friend over, stick on something soppy and let it all out. Being tough isn't gonna help you in the long run, you have to let yourself feel before you can heal."
"Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Sometimes a breakup can feel like grieving so you're going to feel different each day and that's okay.
Keep yourself busy. Lean on friends. Make new friends. Say 'yes' to plans you wouldn't normally. Do the things you always wanted to but never got around to. Once you start doing and living and enjoying life, you'll remember who you were before the relationship and feel empowered to be your whole self again. No compromises."
"Two words: self care! Do all of the things that your ex wouldn’t do with you, and enjoy some precious alone time."
"Stop believing in 'soul mate' and/or 'the One'. It makes break ups way harder. You will love multiple people in your life. This will hurt, but you will find someone else."
"I write out a text and don't send it. During a break up, I often feel like I didn't get to say what I wanted to; typing it out gets it out of my system."
"Write down your feelings when you feel like you can't express them vocally to supportive loved ones, there's nothing worse than keeping sad thoughts bottled up. Remind yourself of the reasons why you broke up or why you weren't compatible. Nostalgia is the sandpaper of the memory and you'll start to remember good times and miss them, but there is a reason why it didn't work and you need to remember that.
I'm three months on from my break up with who I thought I'd be with forever and I'm in such a better and free headspace now! Taking up a new hobby helps too!"
"As crass as it sounds, the first step for me was to sleep with someone else. Not out of lust, but it enabled me to stop connecting sex with my ex-partner and start seeing it as another part of normal life that I could do without him. Of course, this should only be done when you are really ready, otherwise you will just regret it and hate yourself for it."
"Listen to really sad break up songs and have a good cry. Then once you've got it all out put some upbeat empowering break up songs on – dance, sing and remember how awesome and amazing you are."
"Know that this feeling is temporary and you'll get through it eventually – likely without even realising. Allow yourself time to heal – distract yourself if you need to but allow yourself to wallow in pity sometimes too. Know that this journey isn't linear and sometimes you'll feel that you're taking backwards steps but eventually you'll make it through."
"After you have had some time to grieve and get your life back on track; make sure that you learn from the breakup. Think about why you allowed yourself to be treated in a way that didn't suit you; what habits you have that made the relationship less successful; or whether it was just bad circumstances. Try reading some self-help books, speaking to a therapist or asking friends for advice to give you ideas. Then you can be confident that next time round you will have a better chance of finding a good relationship."
"One thing I've always used, at some point in the grieving process is to start a list of all the positive aspects of having this person out of your life. For me, I was very happy about not having to deal with my ex's mother or step-father again. Your mileage may vary."
"Make a list of the 'fantasy' vs 'reality' – the way you remember things versus the way it really was. A lot of people tend to romanticise the past, remembering it to be better than it actually was."
"Invite all your best friends over, drink wine, and watch The First Wives Club. YOU DON’T OWN ME!"
"Distraction. Go for a hike and leave your phone in the car. Actually, stay off your phone (social media especially) as much as possible on days you have that huge pit in your stomach. Spend time with the people who truly know you and will listen to every wild thought in your head. Cry. Listen to angry music (my personal fave). Pet your dog. Go out to dinner with your best friends.
The more time that's put between you and the break up, the easier it gets. Distract yourself with other activities until the pain dulls a bit and you can think more rationally about the relationship."
"Anytime you feel mopey or want to call or message them, go for a nice long run outdoors. It helps to clear those residual cobwebs."
"Sometimes therapy can be a great option to help you reset! After my husband left me, my therapist helped me restructure my life and set myself up for more mindful relationships in the future."
"Every breakup is simply an opportunity! Dating is all trial and error til we find that 'One'. So why would you want someone who doesn’t see you as that? You now have that opportunity to take what you learned in that relationship, find yourself and then the one will come!"
"Allow a period of separation before trying to be friends. Afterwards, truly evaluate whether or not you’d like for them to be in your life. Chances are you need them much less than you thought you did."
"For every six months I was in the relationship, I gave myself two weeks to recover."
"My mantra is 'it was a good chapter, but it isn’t the entire story.' That helps me focus on the good parts of the relationship, find some lessons from it and remember that my story isn’t over. It also keeps me in a positive mindset and not look at the other person with hate. Definitely has made it easier to find closure!"
Some entries have been edited for clarity and length.