The next time one of your friends, family members, or romantic lovers says to you, "I'm glad I know about all the animals that there are," ask them if they're aware of the bush dog. If they say no, scream in their face and send them this article.
You won't find the bush dog in any beloved Zoobooks magazines from your childhood. Only a visit from the Wikipedia Fairy can bring this unique South American mammal into your life.
Behold.
Behold.
BEHOLD, I SAY.
Feast your weary eyes on this real-life Pokemon that can be captured by no one.
Majestic potato.
Inquisitive tater tot.
Traipsing through the underbrush and right into our hearts.
The world must know of you, my floofy prince.
Please educate us on all that is you, corgi of the jungle.
Tell us about your uniquely webbed feet and habitat range that extends as far south as Paraguay, my scientifically fascinating McNugget of joy.
Gaze into our eyes with a look that says "I see you. I value you. It's okay that you took on crippling student loan debt for an art history degree. I'm here now."
Tell us your secrets, hushpuppy of the Amazon. Whisper sweet nothings into our ears.
Take a well-deserved bask in the sun, Mr. Handsome.
Defend your territory from the nosey cameraman, you intimidating alpha doggo.
"Hey it's me Bill Gates. I want to give you all of the money, but only if you agree to stop loving the bush dog. Oh, not interested? Ok, sorry to bother you."
You are the rarest of Good Boys, did you know this? So rare that you were only discovered via fossils in a Brazilian cave in 1839, and initially thought to be extinct. That is so you, you coy little donut hole.
You have a diploid chromosome number of 74, and are therefore unable to produce fertile hybrids with other canids, you genetically limited slice of adorable pie.
Care for your young, sweet doggo of the southern continent, so that we may have more of you to celebrate on the internet for generations to come.
