The Only Thing You Need To Read About Nintendo’s New Games

A new Smash Brothers, a new Mario Kart, and a four-player Super Mario. So, is anyone going to buy a Wii U?

2. So, the Wii U has been kind of a disaster. It hasn’t sold well, it has almost no games, and it feels sort of cheap.

3. Today Nintendo President Satoru Iwata announced a handful of new games, in an attempt to save the floundering hardware.

5. And they did show off new versions of some of their biggest franchises. Like, a new Mario Kart for Wii U.

It’s out next year.

7. It’s called Mario Kart 8. Quick! Who can name Mario Kart 4? Exactly.

9. But, Mario Kart.

11. Under the sea.

12. Also, there’s a new 2/D-ish Mario platformer. It’s called Super Mario 3D Wii U

It’s coming out in December.

13. And there are four playable characters: Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Peach.

14. And… Mario can wear a cat suit.

15. I mean, not that kind of cat suit. A cute one, not a sexy one.

16. Oh yeah, and the big one: a new Smash Brothers game.

(That’s Samus frying some scrubs.)

17. And you can play as… Mega Man. That’s right, Mega Man can get his ass beat.

18. So, yeah, Nintendo is falling back on three legacy series. It could work. But there wasn’t much else.

19. A new Pokemon for 3DS.

20. And a new game from MonolithSoft, who made the cult hit Xenoblade Chronicles

It’s called X? Or something. But it could also just be called Robots: Transformotrons.

21. Plus, Nintendo showed a bit more of The Wonderful 101, a game in which you swipe:

22. To make dozens of wee heroes do stuff like this:

23. And if anything got the internet excited, it was an HD remaster of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.

25. You know, it’s the one where you spend a lot of time in a boat.

27. So, yeah, there was a lot for the Nintendo fanatics to cover themselves in. But it might not be a good sign that the most exciting thing announced was a rerelease of a decade-old game.

Then again: Nintendo and nostalgia go hand in hand.

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Joe Bernstein is a senior technology reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Bernstein reports on and writes about the gaming industry and web culture.
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