The Definitive Ranking Of Vegetables From Worst To Best

    The foolproof, ironclad, indisputable, authoritative guide to crap that grows in dirt.

    by
    Joseph Bernstein
    by Joseph Bernstein

    BuzzFeed News Reporter

    ,
    Jessica Misener
    by Jessica Misener

    BuzzFeed Staff

    15. Kale

    JUST CALL IT WHAT IT IS: LETTUCE FOR PEOPLE WHO WENT TO COLLEGE TWICE

    14. Beets

    A TIME MACHINE TO THE GREAT DEPRESSION

    13. Parsnips

    YOU HAVE EYES.

    12. Swiss Chard

    SORRY YOU CAN'T STAY NEUTRAL ON SWISS CHARD: IT SUCKS

    11. Cauliflower

    THE ACCIDENTAL RACIST OF BROCCOLI

    10. Radish

    A BUNCH OF BIG RED SPERMS. HOW APPETIZING DOES THAT SOUND?

    9. Eggplant

    PROS: IT'S THE STEAK OF VEGETABLES. CONS: IT'S THE STEAK OF VEGETABLES.

    8. Bok Choy

    IT'S LIKE A SEMESTER ABROAD IN YOUR MOUTH

    7. Zucchini

    TASTES GOOD NO COMPLAINTS

    6. Arugula

    ARUGULA IS SO GOOD THE BRITISH CALL IT ROCKET, THE ITALIANS PUT IT ON PIZZA, AND REPUBLICANS HATE IT

    5. Peas

    THINK PEAS ARE ONLY FOR YOUR GRANDPARENTS? LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A HOT LITTLE NUMBER CALLED WASABI.

    4. Gem Lettuce

    IT'S ADORABLE LITTLE LETTUCE I WANT TO SQUEEZE AND FEED IT TO BUNNIES

    3. Baby Carrots

    THE CANDY OF VEGETABLES, BEST FRIENDS WITH RANCH DRESSING, ADORED BY ALL

    2. Tomato

    "IT'S GOT SEEDS IT'S NOT A VEGETABLE" HOW ABOUT "YOU'RE A MORON IT'S A FUCKING VEGETABLE"

    1. Brussels Sprouts

    PROOF THAT YOU'RE A MATURE, HEALTHY, AND WELL-LIKED ADULT: YOU LOVE BRUSSEL SPROUTS. CONGRATULATIONS.