1. Meet the genie of Skyrim. His name is Troy.
2. Troy has the power to grant wishes.
3. The only problem is, Troy is kind of a dick.
5. And Apprentice Doug merely wished for clearer skin.
6. Slave Don wished he wouldn’t lose his head from time to time.
8. Conscripts Joel and Matt wished to be taller.
9. Chieftan Scott wished for an Austrian accent.
10. The Gutierrez quintuplets wished to sneak away from home.
11. Jiggles the Dragon wished to be Savage.
12. Peasants Dave and Bill wished to be upper crust.
13. Merchant Russ wished for a paperweight.
14. Bandit Frank wished for his goddamned horse to stay still for once, you know what I mean?
15. Pranceworth the deer wished to hide from predators.
16. Abbott Rick wished to be closer to his cat.
17. Jorge the Giant wished for a giant companion.
18. Squire Rex wished for facial hair.
20. Miller Herb wished the farmers’ daughters thought he was as cute as his dog.
21. Then he wished to ride Lord Jimmyjangles.
- A Pennsylvania judge has ordered Bill Cosby to face trial for a felony sex-assault case from 2004.
- Twitter will no longer count links, @names, and GIFs toward its 140-character limit. You can also retweet yourself now.
- The NFL released new Super Bowl locations. The next 5 are in Houston, Minnesota, Atlanta, South Florida, and L.A. 🏈