Meet the genie of Skyrim. His name is Troy.
Troy has the power to grant wishes.
The only problem is, Troy is kind of a dick.
For example, Ser Craig only wished for a place to sit.
And Apprentice Doug merely wished for clearer skin.
Slave Don wished he wouldn't lose his head from time to time.
Lady Jennifer wished for a larger bust in proportion to her head.
Conscripts Joel and Matt wished to be taller.
Chieftan Scott wished for an Austrian accent.
The Gutierrez quintuplets wished to sneak away from home.
Jiggles the Dragon wished to be Savage.
Peasants Dave and Bill wished to be upper crust.
Merchant Russ wished for a paperweight.
Bandit Frank wished for his goddamned horse to stay still for once, you know what I mean?
Pranceworth the deer wished to hide from predators.
Abbott Rick wished to be closer to his cat.
Jorge the Giant wished for a giant companion.
Squire Rex wished for facial hair.
No one is sure what Lord Jimmyjangles wished for.
Miller Herb wished the farmers' daughters thought he was as cute as his dog.
Then he wished to ride Lord Jimmyjangles.
Joe Bernstein is a senior technology reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York.
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