1. When they admit to liking Marmite better than Vegemite.
2. When they first learn what a blue bottle is the hard way.
3. When you have to explain to them that what they're eating isn't beef, it's Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.
4. When you have to take them anywhere near a Medicare, Centrelink, or Transport Department office.
5. When you're the worst parent in the world for refusing to buy them anything at the Billabong shop.
6. When their cane toad whacking game is weak.
7. When you have to educate them on the dangers of the Australian environment without leaving them too scared to leave the house altogether.
8. When they want to watch In The Night Garden.
9. When they refuse to wear their rashie at the beach.
10. When they get so sunburnt at the beach that they look like a human bacon rasher, and you have to listen to the subsequent whinging.
11. When they hear the bell on the Home Ice-cream truck.
12. When they won't stop screaming until they get something from the Home Ice-cream truck.
13. When they turn three and you have to pay for their plane ticket, even though they're nowhere near mature enough to handle a seat of their own.
14. When it's back to school season, they need new shoes, and you live rural, meaning the nearest shopping centre is three hours away.
15. When you discover they have zero aptitude for sports.
16. When you discover they have too much of an aptitude for sports.
17. When they finally use their sarcasm against you and you can't decide if you're proud or angry.
18. When they refuse to go to the toilet on a thunderbox because they're scared of falling into the poop tank.
19. When they perfect their sand bomb crafting technique and use you for target practice.
20. When they eventually learn what "beer tax" is and start collecting.
21. When they're finally all grown up, and you realise that you've raised an even bigger legend than yourself.
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