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Fete Match Personalities - ReUnited

Fete Match Football is one of, if not the favorite pastime for many a Trinidadians over the age of 24. The age cap here is essential, as any team with a core group of players under 24 to most, are considered too fit, and thereby Semi-Professional by definition. Every Fete Match Team however has the same core of players, and the same mix of personalities that are essential to the overall performance, or lack there of within the team.

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1. The Architect - (Jonny)

This is the group co-coordinator/organizer. The person who usually arranges all games, fields, uniforms, team limes and events and who usually speaks on behalf of the club at games. Often left frustrated most times due to lack of response to his questions or attendance for games until the last minute.

2. The Snowflake - ( Fano/Ryan)

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This player is the Abou Diaby or Jack Wilshire of fete match football. For as long as you can remember, he has an injury of some sort, which requires months on the sidelines. As the name suggests, he is so fragile, he may even get injured in the warm up or stretching pre game.

3. The Little One - (Dale)

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This is the shortest player on the team. What he lacks in height he makes up for in tenacity, and determination, usually going up for corners, and not shying away from tackles when he really should not be involved in either.

4. The Drunkard - (Ryan)

This is the player who could care less for the actual game, but is more interested in the beers to be had before/during/after the game. He sometimes only plays 5 mins, so that he can drink beers before the game finishes and others start to deplete his stock.

5. The Secret Angryman - (Drew)

This player is humble at first glance, and at most times quiet. He is simple, easy going and usually calm. However, in a random and quite rare moment, he becomes overcome with rage, due to a poor challenge, poor ref decision or lack of passes directed his way. He is the secret angryman.

6. The Piece of Bread - (Shin)

This Fete match player is an out and out striker. As the name would cleverly suggest, this player tends to loaf more than anything, and pounce on opportunities which may arise in the attacking third. He is often found offside, and when onside, misses the target more times than not.

7. The Manuel Neuer - (Mahinder)

This is the crazy Fete Match Keeper, who just likes to roam out of his goal and will spend the majority of his time outside of his 18-yard box. More often than not, this goalkeeper will be used outfield in future matches while one of the less-able players is sacrificed to take a turn in goal. Unlike the name suggests however, he often lets some easy ones by.

8. The Timekeeper - (Burke)

This fete match player is almost always late. We all know Trini time runs about an hour late, but he is Trini time and a half. Always "on the way" and often showing up half way through a game with the excuse of "traffic" even on a Sunday.

9. The Baby Deer - (Lurbz)

This player on the rear occasion he is spotted, quickly reminds onlookers of the actions of a baby deer. Clumsy footwork on the ball and haphazard and awkward running off it, may lead nearby hunters to take aim.

10. The Linesman - (Niko)

This is usually the player most often left out of the starting lineup, and placed to "run a lines" or be the person to take up shift as a linesman or referee for the game. By no means is he a bad player, but more times than not, doesn't feature in the starting team plans due to previous indiscretions or extreme hangover.

11. The Punisher - (Veer)

This is the most committed player when on the field. Giving 110% he can be found scoring goals, making the last ditch tackle or playing the killer ball. He can also be the one most likely to injure a player from the opposing team with his bone crunching tackles which usually leave him unscathed.

12. The Juggernaut - (Bale)

The tallest player on the team, and sometimes on the pitch. He is most likely to score a goal from a set piece, using his height to score with the head. He often attempts runs from a defensive position, straight into attack with his head down, bursting through tackles like a battering ram until either scoring a goal, or an eventual over-push into the opposition defense.

13. The Star Boy - (Sean)

This is the quintessential CR7 of the team. The best player by a mile in the starting xi, and he knows it too. Usually the one the team looks to when they are in need of a goal, and probably the first person to volunteer to be subbed off after he scores a few. Look for the flashiest boots, that will prob change from game to game.

14. The John O'Shea - (Jase)

This player is not really an expert in one position, but can be slotted in almost any. He can play as a winger one day, center back the next, in Goal another and bagging a hat-trick as a striker as if it was his natural position.

15. The Eager Beaver - (Alej)

This is the player who is most anxious to play football with the team. Always looking for a game, and always in no matter what. He will miss his mothers birthday party just to play a game, yet make it seem like he's only in if we need him. May be a latent need to play on the team after missing out on opportunities in his youth.

16. The Prodigy - (Haqq)

This player was touted for greatness from a young age. Probably emerging as a Intercol player way before his time, he never lived up to his potential. Great players from his era, who went on to play professionally however still remember him, and hail him out. Now he settles for a rotational feature on a fete match team.

17. The Kit Manager - (Matty)

This player shows up to games, having confirmed days in advance, yet never comes with the correct uniform. This does not only mean shirt, but pants, socks and even sometimes forgets his shoes.

18. The Transfer - (Shif)

This is a player who you aren't even sure still plays for your team. He is in the group, and hangs out with players on the team, but hasn't played for the team in ages. He is quicker to suit up for the opposition.

19. The Young Gun - (Pato)

The youngest member of the squad. The up and comer. Alot of pressure is on his shoulders to perform in the games as he may have more legs than alot of the older heads. He is gunning to become the new Starboy when the starboy eventually retires.

20. The Slider - (Willis)

This is the player on the team who you can expect 9 times out of 10 to go to ground. Usually a CB, who looks forward to those rainy conditions, and temari free grounds, where he can slide with no fear of lasting scars on his body. Making contact with the ball is 50/50 however.

21. The Pensioner - (Jobe)

This is the player who has aged the most on the team. He may not be the oldest by DOB on his Birth certificate, but easily looks the oldest by his movements on the pitch, his general appearance and choice of clothes. Usually a CB or creative midfielder, he does have years of experience.

22. Mr. Nah Im Good - (Goats)

This player has no real intention on playing the game, but will attend for the lime, and to offer much needed advice while staying clean, and wearing the freshest cuts. When asked if he wants to go on he usually responds "nah im good". He has racked up 2 appearances in about 4 years, and that may be too much for him.

23. Occasional Chatterbox - (Matthew)

This is the player who you will never hear from in a group convo on watsapp. Yet at the pre and post game shenanigans, he will talk until he voice is horse. Probably to make up for his lack of chatter in the group convo.

24. The Faker - (Josh)

This player will almost always say out for a game, due to an injury of some sort, yet at the last minute will decide he is fit enough to play. Other players dont mind as he is an integral part to the team. Except for the one guy who will bench as a result.

26. The Average Joe - (Kaizer)

This player is the definition of consistency. Never standing out as the MVP, yet never looking bad enough to be considered the LVP. He is simple, consistent, always in for a game, and a solid member of the squad on gameday. He has the potential to surprise however.

27. The Mime - (Nasa)

This player is never heard from. Barely responsive in group chats, and a mere whisper when he shows up on game day. Legend has it he can speak to dogs, and is secretly an tenor.

28. The Foreigner - (Bones)

Every fete match team has a player who isn't really Trini. He may be a Bajan, Guyanese, American or Jamaican, but he is more in tune with the events and happenings in Trinidad than the rest of the team, and is out the country more times than not.

29. The Leaky Punching Bag - (Carty)

The butt of any joke. The first person to get ragged on for an error, or talking out of turn. The runt of the team, and by all accounts, isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. His comments in group conversations are undoubtedly entertaining due to the pure irrelevance to any topic currently being discussed.

30. The Instigator - (Richard)

This person is the joker of the team. Always first with a quick remark, or joke of some sort, and is the instigator of most slack talk conversations within the group. A must have for post game conversations and roasting. If he starts on you, prepare to be roasted all night long.

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