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    May 3, 2017

    16 Times Whole Foods Had Absolutely No Chill

    Gin and tonic flavored smoked salmon?!

    1. When they made perfectly good smoked salmon taste like a fucking WELL DRINK:

    2. When they ruined breakfast for you forever:

    3. The time they desecrated guacamole with kale:

    Via Twitter: @Rachrinc

    What sort of hipster bullshit is this?!?

    4. And then decided to take it a step further by putting POMEGRANATE SEEDS in it:

    5. When they tried to make ornamental kale happen:

    6. When they sold limited edition strawberries like some sort of rare book collection:

    7. [Defamatory statement redacted for legal reasons.]


    (Yes, that's asparagus water for sale for $5.99.)

    8. When (1) they sold water in cartons and (2) developed a superiority complex about it:

    9. And when you needed to have a Ph.D. in chemistry to figure out the tap water options:

    10. The time they made a turkey look like a big ol' dick with some big ol' balls:

    11. 👀👀👀


    12. When they tried to make jerky fancy by making it taste like chardonnay but seriously what sort of fancy person eats chardonnay thyme turkey jerky?!

    Via Twitter: @amelapay

    I'm so angry rn.

    13. When they sold ORGANIC PUMPKIN DOG FOOD (just let that sink in):

    14. When they scared the shit out of all the little hipster children:

    15. The time they sold AIR for $69 (nice):

    16. And, finally, when they scoffed at the thought plebeians drinking cow milk: