Buzz·Posted on Jan 15, 202028 Hysterical Tweets From The First Two Weeks Of 2020"Go ahead and get in the pond since you wanna act like a silly goose."by Jon-Michael PoffBuzzFeed Senior EditorLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Catherine Obvious @cole_neiers me on the target self checkout cameras 10:56 PM - 06 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. benjamin @lowendfury go ahead and get in the pond since u wanna act like a silly goose 02:27 AM - 13 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. jan michael @janmichaelxx me disguised as Rihanna’s weed so I can listen to her album 02:33 AM - 03 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Trixie Mattel @trixiemattel Do people ever silently do the whole 30 12:12 AM - 07 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. COLiN BURGESS @Colinoscopy 1 minute before the museum closes 07:10 PM - 08 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. adam @suspiriadam not a single oscar nomination for Carly Rae Jepsen's EMOTION... just because it "isn't a film" and "came out in 2015"...disgusting 02:39 PM - 13 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Ry ✨ @mascfeme my 7:30am, 7:35am, 7:40am, 7:45am and 7:50am alarms all going off to wake me up 05:54 AM - 14 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. mel🥀🌹 @melvaz22 God adding ‘sensitive’ to my DNA 06:05 PM - 03 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite More "God Adding" tweets here. 9. jo🧚🏻♀️ @filmgurlthot cancelling plans is ok. going to sweden for a festival is ok. realizing u hate your boyfriend is ok. putting him in a dead bear and burning him alive is ok. do what you need to do to cope xxx 11:46 PM - 02 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite More "Cancelling Plans Is OK" tweets here. 10. Lee Dawson @LeeDawsonPT the best picture nominees this year are wild 02:35 PM - 13 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Elle on Deck @ellewasamistake editor: this better not be like last time kafka: it's a coming of age story editor: ok kafka: about a boy who's changed, but his family won’t accept him editor: i'm listening kafka: because he's changed into a bug editor: there we go kafka: like a real big fuckin bug 11:13 PM - 10 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti The fact that the Oscars doesn't have a host doesn't bode well for Parasite. 07:52 PM - 14 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. fito @fuckspearrz 3 toxic people looking at each other 12:41 AM - 13 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite More You Season 2 tweets here. 14. anne victoria clark @annevclark If anyone has a right to be mad at Harry and Meghan it's the people of Sussex, who have been left leaderless without their Duke and who are now defenseless against incursions from Hampshire and Kent. 11:13 PM - 12 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite More tweets about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry here. 15. ✨ @neneknowles how does ibuprofen know where the pain is at? 11:30 PM - 07 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Andre 🥺 @hiveeIite I LITERALLY CANNOT WITH FACEBOOK HIVE 😭 09:59 PM - 05 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. average joe @jazz_inmypants there are children being born whose PARENTS were not alive when Shrek (2001) came out.. Crazy how the years start coming and they simply do not stop coming 05:53 PM - 05 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. indie @INDIEWASHERE ur buying ice coffee w soya milk... your environmentally conscious.... i see u brought ur own metal straw... u rly care.... but you don't know that metal straws won't save the oceans... corporations r responsible for 70% of pollution... but its ok i can fix that.... i can fix YOU 07:31 PM - 12 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Klara Sjöberg @klara_sjo This is what dinosaurs have become. 10:16 PM - 11 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Kent Roth 🐅 @KentenRoth I consider page 2 of google results the dark web. 08:45 PM - 09 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Glenn @Shenaniglenns Him: we’re being attacked by a UFO Me: are they human? Him: no they’re- Me [clenches fist]: then they are dancer 05:13 PM - 09 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. SparkNotes @SparkNotes Ladies, if he's - always giving you one-word responses - unsupportive when you're visibly upset - coming over unannounced in the middle of the night - faintly tapping at your chamber door He's not your man. He's the Raven, nothing more. 06:45 PM - 10 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. rob, from online. 💻 @robfromonline crazy how before dating apps the only way to meet someone was to bump headfirst into them while carrying a huge stack of important papers 07:56 PM - 08 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. hbd miranda x @jackremmington Straight men when they use an umbrella 04:11 PM - 07 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite More Golden Globes tweets here. 25. yeet lover’s pizza @chunkyfila i think it’s pretty cool that we can all agree on the most fucked up thing of the past decade. it wasn’t ebola it wasn’t trump it wasn’t even blake shelton getting sexiest man of the year it was that damn U2 album that apple decided to just download to everyone’s iphone 06:45 PM - 01 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. president of cracker barrel @acechhh me and the girls https://t.co/tghtynGoXY 08:42 PM - 01 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. fats🧚🏼♀️ @fsh8ikh friend: i can’t find his insta me: 04:52 PM - 08 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. yungthicc @freeze_no Don’t be funnier than me in my replies or I’ll delete the whole tweet. Now no one gets to laugh 10:02 PM - 04 Jan 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite