1. Me on Ellen:
me on ellen ellen: so i heard you love the ocean me: ya (the studio starts flooding) me: omg ellen you didn’t
me on ellen ellen: so i hear u have abandonment issues me: ya *ellen walks off stage* me, tearing up: omg ellen u didnt :(
me on ellen ellen: so you weren’t vaccinated as a child? me: yeah (doctor walks out with vaccines) me: omg ellen u didn’t
2. Scantron Test:
[dolphin taking scantron test] A B C D E 1. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 2. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 3. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 4. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 5. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️]
a goat taking a scantron test A B C D E 1. [▫️] [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 2. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 3. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 4. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 5. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️]
A popular Swedish pop group taking a scantron test A B C D E 1. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 2. [▫️] [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 3. [▫️] [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] 4. [▪️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️]
3. Avenge the Fallen:
#AvengeTheFallen
The new Endgame posters are wild #AvengeTheFallen
@dickfundy You’re welcome.
4. Nobody:
Nobody: People who went to church for Ash Wednesday:
Nobody: Me walking down the middle of the store checking each isle for my mom:
@HoeStopTwatchin Nobody: Ned Stark:
6. Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale Making Out:
Expectation: Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale. Reality: Antoni.
Will Kate Beckinsale and Pete Davidson last? Here's what their astrology reveals. https://t.co/e0Zl6HEMy6
When you want to make the perfect grapefruit and avocado salad but the avocado isn’t ripe enough
7. Summoning Circle:
summoning circle, hope this works 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 A cure 🕯 For being clums- 🔥 🕯 Ah shit 🔥 Ah no 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 Oh no oh no 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
summoning circle, hope this works 🕯️🕯️🕯️ 🕯️🕯️🕯️ 🕯️🕯️🕯️ oh fuck i summoned Marie Kondo
Summoning Circle 🤞🏼 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 An Oscar for Amy 🕯 Adams 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯
8. Iconic Line:
straight line: _______________________ dash line: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - iconic line:
9. Co—Star Horoscopes:
╭━━━━━━━━━━━━╮ ┃🌔 CO — STAR ┃ ┃𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 ┃ ┃I see you’ve got ur clown ┃ ┃suit on like you always do ┃ ╰━━━━━━━━━━━━╯
nobody: me: co-star: ╭━━━━━━━━━━━━╮ ┃🌔 CO — STAR ┃ ┃𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 ┃ ┃I see you’ve taken an ┃ ┃extra sip of dumb bitch ┃ ┃juice today ┃ ╰━━━━━━━━━━━━╯
🌑 ＣＯ — ＳＴＡＲ ¹ ᵐᶦⁿ ᵃᵍᵒ 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕒𝕥 𝕒 𝕘𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝗣𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗶 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀.
10. Horny Dumbledore:
Nobody: J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore’s patronus is the Grindr logo
me: JK Rowling: Dumbledore was on PrEP
Nobody: J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore ate the peach from Call Me By Your Name
11. Meghan McCain "My Father":
New therapist: What brings you here? Me:
"Who are you trying to find?" Nemo:
Me describing everyone on gay Twitter
12. Florida Man:
@g_pratimaaa thank you for this.
THIS IS THE MOST FLORIDIAN THING IVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE LMFAOOO #FloridaManChallege
@g_pratimaaa
13. Flat Stomach/When She Was Pregnant:
Me: I want a flat stomach My stomach | \ | / | \ | \ | 🍞🍞🍞\ | 🧀🧀🥩🥩\ |🌮🌯🌯🍟 \ |🥠🥠🌭🥞 / |🥚🥚🍖🍳/ |🥯🥖🥖 / | | | \ | \
my mom when she was pregnant with me: | | | | | \ | \ | \ | \ | \ | 🤠 / | / | / | |
Bella Swan pregnant with her ugly CGI baby | | | | | \ | \ | \ | \ | \ | 🧛🏻♀️ / | / | / | |
14. "You Were at My Wedding, Denise...":
You were at my wedding Denise.
YOU WERE AT MY WEDDING, DENISE!
Guy with the megaphone: No justice! Crowd: No peace! Guy with megaphone: You were at my wedding! Crowd (louder this time): Denise!
15. State ~Drawings~:
California be _________ | | \ | \ 🌉 \ } \ \ \ \🎥 \ ) \ )🏄 ___( Whilmst Colorado be ___________ | | | ⛰️ | |__________|
@LlamaInaTux Nevada be like ______________ | ? ? ? ? | |🎰 ? ? ? | | ? ? ? ? | \ ? ? ? | \ ? ? ? | \ 👽 ? | \ 🎰 | \ __/
@LlamaInaTux 𝒃𝒂𝒎𝒂 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 ____________ | 🚀 \ | 🌲 🤠| | 🏙 | | 🏈 | | 🤠 🌳 | | 🌪 🏈 \ | 🐄 🤠 | | __________ | | |🍤 🌾 |/\| 🚢