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100 Hysterical Tweets From 2019 That Got 100K Retweets And Kept On Going

"Dads be like, 'Go help your mother.' Bro, go help your wife."

1.

Mom: “Come help me get the groceries out of the car” Me:

2.

The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and still isn’t as sensitive as a white man on the Internet

3.

So you calling my mom a liar?!?! https://t.co/SfQJZOvRZW

4.

dogs lick us because they know we have bones inside n they want em

5.

my mom comin back in my room and finding me sleeping 5 mins after she woke me up

6.

When you’re on a roller coaster and you know the camera is coming up

7.

No one: College Student: 🌳 / 🚘 || \ / || \ "idgaf. if they hit 🌳 / || 🚶🏽‍♂️ \ me, they hit me” / || \ 🌳 / || \

8.

my conversations w literally anyone: ⚪️ 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 ⚪️ ⚪️ 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 ⚪️

9.

all 6 of my brain cells assembling so I can spell necessary

10.

Me leaving the house without eating breakfast, dehydrated, and with 2 hours of sleep

11.

socrates: to do is to be plato: to be is to do scooby: do be do

12.

Babies stare a lot for someone who doesn’t know how to fight https://t.co/gN0KUtDPjp

13.

My brain is like my internet browser. I got like 19 tabs open , three of them are glitching... and where the fuck is that music coming from

14.

Dear girlfriends and wives, pls hang ur wigs where the kids can't reach.... I nearly collapsed last night in my own house.....I thought it was Amardiorha

15.

Nobody: Nobody at all: My mother looking for something to complain about:

16.

Today I thought I saw a woman dressed as a handmaid about to jump from a building. I called 911.

17.

high school seniors: omg I’m so excited for college, I’m gonna go out every day !!! actual college students:

18.

“you think you can do these things nemo but you just can’t!”

19.

20.

I think my mom found the best use for this new filter 😂

21.

Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this? Me: It be like that sometimes Therapist: No

22.

23.

Guys I’m in Spain. The s is silent . 💞💓💗💖💕💘💖💗💓💕

24.

me explaining to my boyfriend why we’re going to straight pride

25.

wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now i’m gay.

26.

Holy shit I thought this baby legit had a grip like no other https://t.co/ZXOEfKJTql

27.

Uber driver: .......... Me: ........... Uber driver: ............ Me: ............. Uber driver: ............. Me: ................ Uber driver: ................ Me: .................. Uber driver: you have arrived Me: 5 Stars

28.

29.

me after using “furthermore” in an essay https://t.co/Ml3zq3hsUv

30.

Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off:

31.

When you’re walking past the aisles at Walmart and finally see your mom

32.

almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday

33.

34.

me: "why does my back always hurt?" my sleeping position: https://t.co/gsbyflNIUl

35.

How They expect you to React When You get an Amber Alert 😂😭😭

36.

Doctor: ”Okay, so what’s wrong with you today?” Me: *Turns to my mom*

37.

38.

Can someone write an article on millenials killing the doorbell industry by texting "here"

39.

So it was my cousins 3rd birthday and instead of having a normal theme she chose this

40.

My cat loves licking me, but can’t stand when I do it back

41.

i’m not gonna ask you again, what the fuck is in your mouth

42.

43.

(i can’t believe i actually downloaded this app) but guys i found the holy grail of tiktoks and i’m crying

44.

45.

Saw a thicc ass starfish at the aquarium today 😌

46.

47.

Honestly my take away from this chart is that donuts are healthier than I thought https://t.co/VCs5ZCPQqE

48.

49.

my sister saw two unaccompanied little children in a trench coat giggling amongst themselves yesterday and i am absolutely howling

50.

Boyfriend: what’s wrong? Girlfriend: nothing.... Girlfriend the rest of the day:

51.

He Sent Her A Meme On Instagram But She Already Saw It On Twitter - Rupi Kaur

52.

53.

54.

55.

obtuse rubber goose green moose guava juice giant snake birthday cake large fries chocolate shake https://t.co/mO9yYHXjYx

56.

let her perform her spells in peace https://t.co/DFA1GxTvZu

57.

idk what the cat is going through but same

58.

I saw a girl post her Spotify top artists on her Instagram story with the caption “so accurate”. Like yeah it’s accurate... it’s literally data

59.

When you see a tweet that’s just a little funny

60.

My niece has her bird trained to attack anyone she screams at 😂😂😂

61.

lady on say yes to the dress: “my budget today is four thousand dollars” ten year old me w/ no concept of money: “fckin cheap ass”

62.

Jesus it’s enormous https://t.co/gLhdHtWZLf

63.

The shit I have to deal with🤦‍♀️😂

64.

I just want everyone to know that my two-year old insisted on being “pants” for Halloween...

65.

who tf came into the store and did this

66.

this is our farm dog Captain. he points at the chickens every day and we don’t know why lol

67.

dads be like “go help ur mother” bro go help ur wife

68.

if you were born before 1996 you are a millennial if you were born after 2005 you are gen z if you were born in between then you are an honorary member of the black eyed peas

69.

So we had to put a cone on my dog again. My cat loves it

70.

71.

72.

Me getting ready for the outing i said yes to

73.

dumbest bitch award goes to me😩🤣

74.

This is what an updated Home Alone would actually look like.

75.

My number neighbor fried the shit out of me

76.

Y’all..... why would my kid say this 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

77.

If you’re having a bad day, watch this

78.

Sorry this video is too good to not share

79.

What my food see from outside the microwave. 😂

80.

81.

“I couldn’t breathe when I slept so I installed a camera”

82.

why’d my roommate think he could hide something like this from me😔

83.

This guy gave up on studying and has spent the last 15 minutes blowing bubbles in the library

84.

Spongebob and the jellyfish when they threw that house party

85.

Thinking about how the Dutch police arrested a bird for taking part in a robbery, put it in a jail cell with bread and water & when the media reported on it they put a little black bar over the face to protect its identity

86.

When your drone runs out of battery over a lake, timing is everything...

87.

do you think men twitch so much in their sleep because their bodies can’t handle not saying something stupid for that long so it finds another way to be annoying

88.

89.

I get on Twitter… talk a little shit.. Get off… Back to life...

90.

So I painted my birth control packet.

91.

me: lol I saw that on twitter them: what’s your twitter? me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: them: me: what’s twitter

92.

normal person: 9+7=16 me: if 10+7 is 17 and 9 is one less than 10 then 9+7 must be 16

93.

Me making different accounts to get that free first month subscription

94.

my girlfriend fell asleep and me n the dog jus been talkin...

95.

Had to do it since everyone says I look like the girl from the bee movie...

96.

Jack / BACKGRID

97.

98.

My husband sent me this, saying that our cat refuses to move, so his ear is now an `enter key`

99.

The Oscar for best death or dying by a duck goes to.

100.

“I work well under pressure” me under pressure: https://t.co/JuHcjwIwpB

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