Brunch is pretty great. If I could (1) afford it and (2) maintain a job while day-drinking, I'd probably do it five times a week.
Between the friends, the drinks, and the food — like eggs Benedict, shrimp and grits, and huevos rancheros — what's not to love?
Literally nothing. It's all great!
EXCEPT:
Cut to last weekend when my friend John* — after scanning the brunch menu FILLED with complex, savory options — ordered avocado toast.
And I SNAPPED. I have officially HAD 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼 with the avo toast hype, and I'm here to end its dominion over the brunch menu and everyone's Instagram feed.
First, let's look at it for what it is: LITERALLY a slice of bread and mashed-up avocado. Basic and uninspired.
Sure, restaurants usually jazz it up with tomatoes, jalapeños, onions, pepper, etc. — but in that case, it's basically guacamole on a big-ass chip.
Even at its fanciest, it cannot begin to compare with chicken and waffles or a savory omelet.
"But it looks so ✨pretty✨!" you say while standing on a chair to photograph your plate.
And you know what?
BUT A CUTE INSTAGRAM PHOTO DOES NOT A MEAL MAKE. MOVING ON.
My other beef with avo toast is (obviously) the price tag. It's literally so expensive some jerk argued you could afford to buy a HOUSE if you gave it up.
Unlike avocados, money doesn't grow on trees — and even if it did, I wouldn't spend $14 on avocado toast.
OK, so maybe you're like, "Who are YOU — you random 26-year-old BuzzFeed editor with not an ounce of training in the culinary arts — to tell ME avo toast is overrated? You can fuck off."
But good people everywhere are starting to call out avo toast. Enough is enough.
Even Anthony Bourdain agrees! It's fine, sure, but NOTHING TO GET A BONER OVER.
So in conclusion: Don't give it up because you could otherwise buy a house. Give it up because it's simply Not. That. Good.
