1. No one knows where Keele is.
2. Walking to campus from Hawthorns takes about three months.
3. And walking back there after a night out takes about six.
4. The smell of manure to greet campus dwellers in the morning.
5. Months can pass before you need to venture outside the bubble.
6. Horwood is in fact Soviet Russia.
7. And let's be honest, Keele is a very radical university.
8. Only posh people live in Lindsay Court.
9. And Lindsay Court is pretty much a castle looking down on the peasants who just live in normals halls.
10. The entirety of Chancellors Building is a near impossible maze.
11. Let's be honest even final years still get lost.
12. Silent Study = Be as noisy as possible study.
13. Trying to find a computer in the library during exam periods requires patience and cat like reflexes.
14. We will defend that Quidditch is a REAL sport.
15. But I'd get out the way whenever KUBE radio decides to fundraise.
16. Getting a photo with this is compulsory.
17. Trying to work out Keele's micro-climate is IMPOSSIBLE.
18. Just where the **** is the Observatory?
19. You're pretty sure the Squirrels are getting ready to take over.
20. Living any further out than Newcastle takes ages to get to uni.
21. Admit it you were confused too when you found out Stoke-On-Trent was next to Newcastle.
22. And admit you ducked the first time someone called you Duck.
23. Despite having a 9am Thursday morning you'll still get drunk Wednesday night.
24. Any night that ends in Liquid always spells trouble.
25. Eating Chips, Cheese and Beans (or Gravy) is a must.
26. Unless Tea and Toast is on.
27. Despite this food a few too many nights have ended up in Keele Woods...
28. This is the only building that anyone ever shows of Keele.
29. Both the Keele Rock Appreciation Posse and the Keele University Netball Team have amazing abbreviations.
30. Broken Biscuits and Pringles from Select and Save are your life force during all-nighters.
31. You've tried to defend that Keele isn't actually in Stoke.
32. No work gets done before your morning visit to Le Cafe/Costa/Blend.
33. Keele has always had a very productive relationship with Staffordshire University...
34. ...by productive I mean a rivalry equal to no other.
35. This man is a complete legend.
36. And after all there's a reason we're first for student satisfaction in 2014!
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