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Which "Into The Woods Character" Would You Play?

Disney is adapting the classic Stephen Sondheim musical to the silver screen for Christmas. Maybe you'd not suck!

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  1. 1. What do you wish for?

    I want to know what I want!
    I hope to see the world!
    I want to be heard and seen as I am!
    I want my loved ones to be safe!
    I just wanna dance!
    I just want a cinnamon roll.
    I'd be super great if I didn't have to sell my best friend who is a cow : (
    I want whatever I can't have!
    I want to achieve my goals!
    I want my hunger satisfied!
    I want this madness to stop!
  2. 2. Pick a Talisman!

    A Slipper As Pure As Gold
    A Cow As White As Milk
    Hair As Yellow As Corn
    A Pretty Flower
    A wall
    The Unknown
    The Thrill of the Chase
    A festival!
    Fresh flesh, not one lump
    A baby!
  3. 3. Talk to me!

    What is most likely to come out of your mouth?

    "You've Changed, You're Thriving."
    "If you know what you want, then you go and you find it and you get it."
    "The one thing you want is the one thing out of your reach."
    "Couldn't you listen? Couldn't you stay content safe behind the walls?"
    "There's no possible way to describe what you feel, when you're talking to your meal."
    "And you're back again, only different than before"
    "But he seemed so nice!"
    "How can you know what you want til you get what you want?"
    "Never wear mauve at a ball ... or open your mouth."
    "I'm not a child anymore!"
  4. 4. What always seems to be getting in your way?

    I'm always a few steps behind.
    No one believes in me.
    I'm just too naïve.
    I get distracted. There's too much going on!
    I try to do everything and spread myself too thin.
    Sometimes I get caught in my own ploys.
    I'm always 2nd best.
    I am misunderstood. My stubbornness is mistaken for meanness.
    Inaction. I'm not always sure about the best next step.
    I'm a little gullible. Sometimes people talk be into their goals and I forget my own.
  5. 5. Well, that things keeps getting in your way. How are you taking it?

    I can fix it–at all costs!
    Annoyed! If anyone would have listened to me at the beginning then we'd be fine. It'll be up to me to fix in the end.
    Hope that things will change
    I think of another plan
    I'm not worried, I'll still get what I want.
    It's agony when you don't get what you want.
    Blame someone!
    I have to look for help.
    It's not easy, but I get tougher from the mistakes.
  6. 6. If you were to have a ballad what would it be about?

    Special moments make life richer, but you can't live in those moments.
    I've seen wonders that even I don't understand, so I've gotta bel about my adventure!
    FOMO is the worst. The actual worst. A FOMO song would be the best.
    The little world I've built is perfect, so safe and perfect. But I think I'm outgrowing it.
    I am not a perfect person, but I'd sing about what I've learned.
    I have so much trouble making decisions! I'd have to sing about having 100 choices before and being paralyzed.
    Sex. I'd howl about my next conquest.
    How am I to go on? Life has been too much. I'd need to lament my painful moments.
    If I had a ballad it'd be something like, "I told you. I told you. I told you." but stunningly beautiful.

Which "Into The Woods Character" Would You Play?

You got: The Baker

"You've changed. You're daring . . . You're getting us through the woods." The Character: It's The Baker's story and we're just vital, minor characters in it! The central storyline focuses on a curse on The Baker's family. He's working his crust off to get everything that's needed, but he's really too doughy to get the job done. Luckily, when his wife puts her foot down and demands equal work in their shared problem The Baker accepts her help and they start thriving. He begins the tale giving us dialogue on morality and achieving goals, he ends by giving wonderful parenting advice. The Baker is the bread and butter this story is built on. You: Hey, Main Thing–everybody is talking about you! You didn't get this part without being a stand-out, but you didn't become a stand-out by having a perfect life. You've mumble and fumble all over the place, but by accepting help from others you get by. He gets a hard lesson in finding out that all his actions have consequences. But he also grows the most of everyone. By the end of it all you're stronger and a super good role model. Your dad, who you thought was dead, might not be dead and you've got this baby thing, and everyone is really proud of you! Yay!

The Baker
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You got: Jack

"There are big tall terrible, awesome, giants in the sky!" "More than a glance is enough to show you just how small you are." The Character: At the beginning, Jack is easily outsmarted left and right--not too great. But through a mix of stupidity and bravery, Jack strikes out on an amazing adventure up a beanstalk. He finds giants, befriends them, then steals all their stuff. Expecting nothing bad to come from this, Jack goes right home. He continues his life, now broadened and more lauded than he every thought he could be. You: Your loyalty to your best friend (who is a cow) is unmeasured. In fact, you're one of the most loyal characters of the cast. You are the most underestimated character of the musical. But that's because they don't know how brave you are. You are often made the scape goat. "Why did you piss off the giants, again?" But you consistently prove your worth and become one of the greatest heroes (and fools) of the story. You be counted to solve a problem (even if you make it a bigger problem first).

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You got: Cinderella

"What I want most of all, is to know what I want." Character: –song bird Cinderella has been fed fairytales her entire life. She's imagined a charming prince would make her endlessly happy. So after her Stepawfuls snub her interest in the ball she gets her dead mother(?) to toss her a ball gown–perfect. When Cinderella meets Cinderella's Prince, she's exited to see that hot prince is hot. But she's disappointed that that's *all* he is. I mean, she isn't even on Spring Break. Where's the substance? She begins questioning what she wanted, and what she wants, and why pretty dresses don't actually make your life better. You: You've got big dreams! You see a lot of potential for yourself. You'd be actively pursuing those goals, if only you *knew* what those goals were. It's had to make a decision, especially when you get what you thought you wanted and it turns out to be kind of stupid. Cinderella finds herself literally stuck in indecision and you know the feeling. But it's ok because she's also smart, like you are. She doesn't let herself fully fall into a fairytale that won't deliver, even when her friends keep asking "ok but HOW hot is this prince??"

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You got: Little Red Riding Hood

"and take extra care with strangers–even flowers have their dangers. And though scary is exciting, nice is different than good." The Character: Girl loves sweets, flowers, and her grandmother. She's young and fearless, and uses her grandmother's sob story to score hella scones. Little Red charges into the woods without worry but soon starts to distracted by the suave Mr. Wolf. He's got a great blazer, claws, fangs–everything you want in a man. But Mr. Wolf's intentions are much darker than Little Red can see. What actually happens between them is left for interpretation, but you can assume he wanted more than a bite of a sticky bun. When it's all sung and done Little Red makes a coat out of his skin and starts carrying a knife in her basket–like all little girls do. You: You've learned stuff the hard way. By having to look danger in the face you've toughened up. You've become a very reliable and strong person. As crisis sets in, Little Red becomes one of the most dependable people on team "Hey let's try not to die" and that's why you'll play her so well. You have innocent charm and rough edges that will play beautifully off each other. Just remember to use enough stage make-up to cover your neck tattoos and that most of the croissants are stage props. You should not actually eat them.

Little Red Riding Hood
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You got: The Baker's Wife

"If you know what you want then you go and you find it and you get it." The Character: The Baker's Wife is one of the original lady bosses. All she wants is to have a baby, so when she's given a checklist of tasks that will lead to a child–she becomes ruthlessly focused. The Baker's Wife refuses to stay home at her husbands request, she convinces him that a partnership is the only way to get what they want. Then she bravely, gallantly, and sloppily goes after everything on the list. She pursues her goal by any means necessary; even when that means tricking, bargaining, or pulling a classic rip-off-the-princesses-hair-while-she's-in-a-tower. She believes that her intentions are good and therefor all of her actions are justified. She may not be totally right. You: With laser focus, inner-confidence, and the will to improve your life–you must be a lady-boss, just like The Baker's Wife. You've decided you want something better for yourself. You want to change or assist those around you in changing. Luckily, your determination is powerful and effective. Unluckily, you can't control the whole world. After pushing in so many directions, your character starts to feel consequences. You get swept up in the mission and tricked by the woods. Still, a true leader, you sing some of the most beautiful, valuable advice while the world is falling down around you.

The Baker's Wife
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You got: Meryl Streep

"You're so nice. You're not good, you're not bad–you're just nice. I'm not good, I'm not nice–I'm just right. I'm the witch. You're the world." The Character: In a musical featuring delightfully round characters, the character of Meryl Streep is possibly the most complex. She's funny and dark–cuts right to the chase with her wisdom. Her principles are consistent with-in herself, and it's wonderful to see her stand her ground. But because her decisions are not consistent with the views of those around her, she is cast out. Because she doesn't wavier (while everyone else is changing their views, growing, or floundering) she seems gruffly stubborn. You: If you have been casted as the character of Meryl Streep then you're the person who says the unsaid thing. Others may see you as blunt, but it's because you call things as they are. You think in black and white. You are consistent and determined. You are Meryl Streep! People may not agree with you; but they could never claim you are disloyal or inconsistent. Besides, haters can hate while you sit back and count all of your solos and costume changes.

Meryl Streep
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You got: Prince Charming

"Agony–beyond power of speech–when the one thing you want is the only thing out of your reach." The Character: Prince Charming is a spell-caster. He is a master manipulator, who goes boldly toward what he wants–always believing it should be his. The Prince is entitled and confident, impulsive and suave. Challenge excites him more than anything else. He'd rather be pursing a princess than *have* a princess. And the more difficult the damsel is to charm the more he wants to charm her. "Impossible" is Prince Charming's biggest turn on. He is afraid of dwarves. You : You have great hair, a winning personality, or the ability to do really cool skateboard tricks. Whatever your methods of charm, you are very good and pulling people toward you. You probably have a large community of people that like you and are willing to do things for you. You will be fabulous for ticket sales. You are ambitious and love a challenge. But it's the struggle of the challenge that you love the best. Once you've completed a task your interest in it fades. Because you are always seeking something outward, it can be hard to develop your inner-self–but don't worry–your character gets to wear a crown, which is kind of like having personality.

Prince Charming
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You got: Mr. Wolf

"There's no possible waaaaay, to describe what you feeeeeel–when you're talking to your meal!" The Character: The Wolf is insatiable. He's suave, convincing, and confident. Mr. Wolf goes toward his goals fully. He cannot be deterred and gets what he wants. Mr. Wolf is as determined and unflappable as the princes. But the princes only pursue princesses for the sake of pursuing. Mr. Wolf is focused on the end goal and, if obtained, will fully enjoy, indulge, and appreciate. The issue is that the wolf's goals come at the expense of others. You: Hey, creepy. If you are Mr. Wolf then "want" often crosses your mind, as well as "desire" and "oh, great she's alone." You do not desire things lazily. You pursue, and get, the things you want. You are determined and actualized. You're methods are questionable, your end goals are horrifying, but you're smooth as a silk button-down shirt. You'll be darn good at playing the character everyone loves to hate. They'll see you as an obvious warning, sure, but with you around no one can resist staying from the path.

Mr. Wolf
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You got: Rapunzel

"Stay a child while you can be a child." Rapunzel is a rose kept under glass. She is a considerate person, kind to her mother, and committed to her duties. But by the time we meet her in Into The Woods, she's already outgrown the little world she Meryl Streep have built. She's dreaming of life outside the tower and frankly, too bratty to just appreciate that her mother is Meryl Streep and stay put. Rapunzel lures a prince and escapes from the ivory tower. She quickly finds that her too-safe childhood did not grant the tools to deal with a lot that comes her way. When stress looms larger, Rapunzel just screams. You: Hello, dreamer! If you're the one with "hair as yellow as corn" then you're skilled at imagining what could be. You've got a solid gig as a beautiful songbird at the top of a tower, luring princes to their death. But that's just not enough for you. You deeply long for a larger, more vivid life. Out of the tower, unadjusted Rapunzel only finds fear, which serves her/you right for betraying Meryl Streep. She dies from regret. You'll do great.

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You got: Stepsisters

"I was greedy. I was vain. I was haughty. We were happy; it was fun." The Character(s): Often, the perfect accessory for a beautiful face is a really shitty personality. In this way, the (lovely) Stepsisters and their queen bee (hornet?) mom are wonderfully adorned. These spiteful sparrows are just fabulous and mean enough to make Cinderella seem like a really good person. They are the comic relief of the show with solid bits like "peck at Cinderella until she's sad enough to cry at her mother's grave." Brilliant! They go to the ball but no one dances with them. Eventually they end up blind, teaching everyone that in addition to being pretty–it's also important to be nice, or something. You: Brunch is your favsies. Coconut water is your favsies. Life's a beauty pageant, and you're the blonde from Texas! You are also A. shallow, bratty, and vicious OR B. Hilarious. Either way–snaps–because being a Stepsister would be way more fun than any of the parts with substance or really long, wordy speeches. You're going to own it and the audience will LOVE you.

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