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Home Decor For People Who Just Really, Really Like Wine I Guess

OK, we get it. You like wine.

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Of course we love wine, but wine-themed home decor feels like it's screaming at you to drink wine all the time.

Persians / Getty Images

Here are some of the most IN-YOUR-FACE-ABOUT-WINE home goods we could find.


Joanna: I'm actually in support of any home decor that tells people to get out of your house in an aggressive way. I think my doormat would just say "GET OUT."

Chelsea: Yeah, this is a pretty good point TBH. It's always good to set your expectations of your guests from the get-go.


Joanna: I imagine this person constantly asking, "What time is it?" expecting me to answer with "Wine o'clock." And it's just like, it's 3 p.m., Shannon. Leave me alone.

Chelsea: I hope Shannon is married to the dude who always says "it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" so we can put them in a bunker never to be seen again. Also, Carl, FOR THE RECORD, it is NOT always 5 o'clock somewhere.


Joanna: A true best friend doesn't even care if you're home. They'll just break into your house and drink your wine.

Chelsea: This is usually what I slur to my friends as I drunkenly welcome them into whatever disaster I made in my home.



Joanna: I can see this person slapping cheese and crackers out of someone's hands. "But first, wine!"

Chelsea: Here is a list of things this cannot be applied to: driving, your presidential inauguration, your kid's first day of kindergarten.

Joanna: Actually the last two seem like you could apply this...



Joanna: If someone asked me, "Hey, wanna drink bottled poetry?" my answer would be no. Absolutely not.

Chelsea: This is something a creepy old man would say to a lady trying to get her to come home with him.


Joanna: I, too, feel like my life is an endless nightmare but I don't know if I'd put that on a plaque. Do they sell decorative plaques that say "Each day blurs together as one long terrible nightmare from which I may never wake"? That seems like the vibe coming from this sign.

Chelsea: This person is on a quick road to poo town.



Joanna: I imagine coming over to this person's house.

"Can I get a glass of water?"

"No! Only wine!"

Chelsea: One time, I drank mostly wine instead of water for a couple weeks in college and my hand turned blue from the dehydration. 10/10 would not recommend, 10/10 would do again.


Joanna: There's no way to say this out loud without sounding SUPER creepy. "Smile. There is wine." If someone says this to you, run away.

Chelsea: Yeah, this is terrifying. Especially because this person 100% would have red wine mouth. Or, it could be blood. No one knows for sure.


Joanna: If I had a white couch I would not encourage people to drink a bunch of wine around it.

Chelsea: What if you're one of those people who cries when they drink wine? Then you just have a crier on your couch, spilling wine everywhere. Maybe it's you; I don't know your life.



Joanna: Would I drink rosé out of a plastic travel mug? Yes. Do I feel the need to let everyone around me know how much I love rosé? No.

Chelsea: I feel like travel drinking is meant to be discreet. This does not do that job.


Joanna: I'm trying to imagine the person who would hang this in their home. I'm scared.

Chelsea: Oh good, just get nice and bloated and burp into the general direction of each other's genitals. I hate the person who would hang this in their home. There. I said it.