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    Home Decor For People Who Just Really, Really Like Wine I Guess

    OK, we get it. You like wine.

    Of course we love wine, but wine-themed home decor feels like it's screaming at you to drink wine all the time.

    Persians / Getty Images

    Here are some of the most IN-YOUR-FACE-ABOUT-WINE home goods we could find.


    Joanna: I'm actually in support of any home decor that tells people to get out of your house in an aggressive way. I think my doormat would just say "GET OUT."

    Chelsea: Yeah, this is a pretty good point TBH. It's always good to set your expectations of your guests from the get-go.


    Joanna: I imagine this person constantly asking, "What time is it?" expecting me to answer with "Wine o'clock." And it's just like, it's 3 p.m., Shannon. Leave me alone.

    Chelsea: I hope Shannon is married to the dude who always says "it's 5 o'clock somewhere!" so we can put them in a bunker never to be seen again. Also, Carl, FOR THE RECORD, it is NOT always 5 o'clock somewhere.


    Joanna: A true best friend doesn't even care if you're home. They'll just break into your house and drink your wine.

    Chelsea: This is usually what I slur to my friends as I drunkenly welcome them into whatever disaster I made in my home.


    Chelsea: Just take your wine to the gym at that point.

    Joanna: I did drink wine before going to the gym once. It turned out OK. You can have both!


    Joanna: I live in a wine cellar. It's dark and full of mice but there is wine.

    Chelsea: Rent is 5K/month.

    Joanna: Also, it's haunted.


    Joanna: I can see this person slapping cheese and crackers out of someone's hands. "But first, wine!"

    Chelsea: Here is a list of things this cannot be applied to: driving, your presidential inauguration, your kid's first day of kindergarten.

    Joanna: Actually the last two seem like you could apply this...


    Joanna: I would like this wall decal better if you changed it to "boxes of really cheap wine."

    Chelsea: Hey, Cindy, ever think about how that wine gives you a false sense of love and laughter?


    Joanna: This is wine shaming.

    Chelsea: Wow, way to brag about not having student loans.


    Joanna: I can see this person stabbing friends with a broken wine glass when they lose in Cards Against Humanity.

    Chelsea: I, too, am afraid my friends will steal all my wine glasses at the drop of a hat.


    Joanna: If someone asked me, "Hey, wanna drink bottled poetry?" my answer would be no. Absolutely not.

    Chelsea: This is something a creepy old man would say to a lady trying to get her to come home with him.


    Joanna: I, too, feel like my life is an endless nightmare but I don't know if I'd put that on a plaque. Do they sell decorative plaques that say "Each day blurs together as one long terrible nightmare from which I may never wake"? That seems like the vibe coming from this sign.

    Chelsea: This person is on a quick road to poo town.


    Joanna: I imagine coming over to this person's house.

    "Can I get a glass of water?"

    "No! Only wine!"

    Chelsea: One time, I drank mostly wine instead of water for a couple weeks in college and my hand turned blue from the dehydration. 10/10 would not recommend, 10/10 would do again.


    Joanna: There's no way to say this out loud without sounding SUPER creepy. "Smile. There is wine." If someone says this to you, run away.

    Chelsea: Yeah, this is terrifying. Especially because this person 100% would have red wine mouth. Or, it could be blood. No one knows for sure.


    Joanna: If I had a white couch I would not encourage people to drink a bunch of wine around it.

    Chelsea: What if you're one of those people who cries when they drink wine? Then you just have a crier on your couch, spilling wine everywhere. Maybe it's you; I don't know your life.


    Joanna: Does this person get in trouble for not drinking enough wine?

    Chelsea: It sounds like this person is being peer-pressured into drinking and we need to help them immediately.


    Joanna: I think if you hang this in your home, you might as well have wine with breakfast.

    Chelsea: I think they're saying whiskey is for breakfast.


    Chelsea: HEY DUDE, maybe the wine wasn't waiting around to be rescued!

    Joanna: 🎶 I'm a winey in a bottle baby, come, come, come on and let me out. 🎶 (Christina Aguilera) (Please forgive me.)


    Joanna: This person appears in a puff of smoke any time anyone says "merlot." *Poof* "Did somebody say merlot?!" Basically a wine goblin.

    Chelsea: Nobody even likes Merlot.


    Joanna: Would I drink rosé out of a plastic travel mug? Yes. Do I feel the need to let everyone around me know how much I love rosé? No.

    Chelsea: I feel like travel drinking is meant to be discreet. This does not do that job.


    Joanna: Hahahahahaha that's all the days. Do you get the joke?

    Chelsea: OH DANG.


    Joanna: I'm trying to imagine the person who would hang this in their home. I'm scared.

    Chelsea: Oh good, just get nice and bloated and burp into the general direction of each other's genitals. I hate the person who would hang this in their home. There. I said it.