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If Wedding Magazines Were More Realistic

Is that bride supposed to be dead?

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Let's talk about wedding magazines.

Recently I was sitting at a bar talking to my married friend about how my wedding planning was going.

"Did you go out and buy all the wedding magazines?" she asked.

I hadn't. I had no plans to. Was this a mistake? Did I need wedding magazines to plan a wedding?

"No," she said, "but this is the only time in your life you have an excuse to buy them."

She had a point. But magazines, especially the ones aimed at women, had only ever made me feel bad about myself. So I expected that a WEDDING magazine would only increase my wedding anxiety by bombarding me with impossible images of things I could never afford or be. No thank you, I thought.

But then, as if by fate, a wedding magazine just showed up in my mailbox. And I decided to give it a look.

When I scanned the cover, the only thing that got me really riled up was the promise of "GOTHIC CAKES." What could that mean?

New York Magazine

Unfortunately, though, the gothic cakes didn't feature even a single coffin made of fondant.*

*I used the word "fondant" but I don't even really know what it means.
New York Magazine

*I used the word "fondant" but I don't even really know what it means.

Fixed it.

New York Magazine

Something that DID seem Gothic was this confusing imagery where a bride appeared to be either sleeping or dead.

New York Magazine
Romona Kevez

A lot of people in the ads looked secretly angry.

Brideside
Two Birds

And the intended takeaway from many images was simply unclear to me.

New York Magazine
New York Magazine

Why is wedding food supposed to look like a forest creature made a nest out of it?

New York Magazine

One helpful tip I got was to make absolutely sure that my photographer gets a shot of me fake laughing at a secret my husband just told me.

Tiffany & Company

I guess it's good to be prepared if your wedding happens post-apocalypse.

Sarah Seven
Jenny Yoo
Oscar de la Renta

Conclusion: I guess wedding magazines aren't so bad as long as you don't mind nightmares.

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