Skip To Content

    17 Urban Outfitters T-Shirts That Went Too Far

    Does that really need to be on a shirt?


    Chelsea: YOU STILL CAN, LADY.

    Joanna: Yeah maybe stop buying shirts that broadcast your life's regrets and get out there to achieve your dream.


    Joanna: A good life lesson is never, ever trust someone who has a shirt that says "Trust Me."

    Chelsea: She makes me immediately anxious.



    Chelsea: I imagine this person getting a B- her first week of college and having her parents call to dispute the grade.

    Joanna: I wish I had this shirt to show my teachers, parents, boss, random strangers, particularly judgmental dogs.


    Chelsea: Pretty sure you have to pay royalties to Matthew McConaughey every time you wear this shirt.

    Joanna: How badly do you want to hear everyone's bad Matthew McConaughey impressions? Because that's the only thing you'll get when you wear this shirt. All day. Nonstop.


    Chelsea: Sure, but I can't climb myself like I can a mountain?

    Joanna: I feel like this shirt is putting a lot of pressure on me to be more interesting than I am.

    Chelsea: But the bear seems like a good guy.

    Joanna: It's a nice bear.


    Joanna: Again, I don't like taking orders from a t-shirt about how to live my life.

    Chelsea: I imagine someone looking at themselves in the mirror of a stranger's bathroom and squealing "OH YEAH!" before rummaging through their medicine cabinet.


    Chelsea: This was actually a cut line from the last Hannibal.

    Joanna: This shirt hurts my feelings. Just accept me for who I am—a person and not beer.


    Chelsea: I can name hundreds of situations where this is a bad idea:

    1. Going on a job interview.

    2. Being launched into space to save the world from space aliens who can sniff out alcohol.

    3. While giving birth.

    Just to name a few.

    Joanna: I wear this shirt when I want people to come hang out on the leather couches in my den, but no one ever agrees to come over.


    Chelsea: This shirt is kind of like me when I drink whiskey: I THINK I'm being smooth while I trip over myself and dance enthusiastically.

    Joanna: Is this model drunk right now? What's going on with this hand action? But also, how many alcohol shirts does Urban Outfitters need to sell? Like, we get it, alcohol is cool.


    Joanna: Don't drink rosé all day just because it rhymes. That's too much rosé!

    Chelsea: Shit, she must be wasted.


    Chelsea: I agree with the sentiment but disagree with the t-shirt.

    Joanna: This is actually solid advice. When things get rough, I go downstairs to my champagne cellar and ask my sommelier, Carl, for whatever vintage he recommends to ease the feeling of failure.


    Chelsea: Only acceptable if you're prepared to wear your "Tuesdays are for hangovers" shirt the next day.

    Joanna: Wednesdays are for apologies.


    Chelsea: Placement suggests her teats produce beer and she has made millions off it.

    Joanna: Magic beer teats are pretty impressive. I guess you would want to let the world know your gift. THEN AGAIN, if I had beer teats I would worry about being captured by the government for testing. So maybe don't wear this shirt.


    Chelsea: If this had a cartoon piece of lettuce talking to some arugula, I still wouldn't like it, but I'd respect the effort. Puns need context.

    Joanna: You can't just say the word "lettuce" for no reason, Urban Outfitters! You can just do this!


    Chelsea: This is why people hate people obsessed with brunch.

    Joanna: Where are you going to wear this shirt? TO BRUNCH? Have some dignity.


    Chelsea: Oh god, I'm so sorry, are you okay?

    Joanna: Yeah, not clear if this is a good thing or a bad thing?


    Chelsea: The only reason I can get behind this shirt is that Beyoncé wore something similar. But I also realize I am not Beyoncé.

    Joanna: I think a lot of people need to realize they are not Beyoncé.