1. All-nighters were kind of thrilling when they weren’t soul-crushing.
Staying up all night feels kind of like you defied nature and became King of the Darkness* even if you wanted to sleep so, so badly.
*Kings of Darkness wait until the last minute to write papers.
2. Competitive drinking was a way of life.
While turning alcohol consumption into a game is kind of weird when you really think about it, no one can deny that winning feels good. So you might as well win at as many things as possible. Somehow winning a game of Flippy Cup* feels more thrilling than winning a game of, say, “eat this yogurt really fast.”
*Or Flip Cup, calm down.
3. Snow penises seemed juvenile at the time but now there’s a snow penis-shaped void in your life.
For whatever reason, a snowy college campus means a 100% chance of spotting at least one snow penis, probably more.
4. Life was a little more interesting with that one weird, terrible roommate.
Roommates are only good for two things: Eating your food and supplying you with a lifetime of stories to complain about for generations to come.
5. Hanging out at the library was cool.
College library books probably hate their lives.
6. Weird drunken activities
Reasons and logic were never necessary.
7. Having meal points to just blow through
The magic and the horror of a college meal plan means eating things you never even thought you would eat.
8. Eating terrible things
It never felt wrong.
9. Eating terrible things while drunk
It only felt right.
10. Brazenly dressing like a slob
You can still dress like a slob after college, but people are more worried about you then.
11. Sleeping all the time
Anyone and everyone could be sleeping at literally any time, not unlike infants.
12. Straight up binge drinking
The only time in life where this is kind of, sort of socially acceptable.
13. The world expects, even encourages your vacation to be a drunken disaster
What even is spring break?
14. Furnishing your entire home with free stuff
It feels like you beat the system when your entire apartment is filled with free stuff, even if it’s ugly and came directly from the trash.
15. College team rivalries
It’s hard to beat the joy that comes from hating something just because.
- Donald Trump on Sunday said that his comments about a problem in Sweden were not about an event, but about a Fox News report 🇸🇪🙃
- The CEO of Uber is investigating sexism and sexual harassment claims after a former employee said her reports were ignored.
- The US ambassador to Somalia gave the country's new president a "Make Somalia Great Again" hat in the color of Somalia's flag 🇸🇴
- One man scammed his way through New York Fashion week by dressing up as Sisqó — and people really believed him 😩