1. You have plans looming. Fill yourself with toxic levels of dread.
3. Push guilt and all other feelings to the bottom of your self consciousness.
5. Soar to freedom on the wings of an eagle.
6. Take off your pants as soon as humanly possible.
7. Hide in a cave forever.
- Republicans have breathed new life into their once dead Obamacare replacement and it may be enough to get the bill through the House.
- People are calling the Trump administration's new "criminal alien" hotline to report how they've been victimized by space aliens 👽☎️
- Sebastian Gorka couldn't make it as a national security expert in Hungary, but that's not stopping him from advising President Trump.
- Chipotle is finally adding dessert to its menu and cinnamon, honey, and caramel butter dipping sauce will be involved 😋