1. Committing identity fraud against chocolate chips.
2. Trespassing in cinnamon bread.
3. Harassing peanut butter and celery.
4. Public ice cream intoxication.
5. Being a dried up version of another thing — without a license.
6. Swimming in a prohibited rice pudding zone.
7. Mob activity in trail mix.
8. Stalking bran flakes.
9. Murdering a perfectly good cinnamon roll.
10. Aiding and abetting boiled raisin cake.
11. Misappropriating valuable chocolate.
12. Illegally immigrating to chicken salad.
13. Illegal dumping in bread pudding.
14. False advertising.
15. Kidnapping these mini muffins.
16. Holding this bagel hostage.
17. Disorderly conduct.
18. Serving as a disturbing reminder of our own mortality.
19. Emotional distress.
