Joanna: I like to imagine that the person saying this is screaming it.
Chelsea: I’m also picturing a woman standing in her yard, screaming, with no shirt on but big ol’ undies and coffee, screaming at her kids to get in the car to go to school. Maybe this is my future. Unclear. Either way, the person who’s doing this is not well and is clearly at a breaking point.
Chelsea: I think this fundamentally misunderstands what it is to be human and alive.
Joanna: SUPPRESS ALL NEGATIVE EMOTION. DO NOT FEEL.
Chelsea: Ever been on a vacation with someone who keeps being like, “Omg, I’m so relaxed! Aren’t we having fun? We’re having so much fun!” every five seconds? It’s like that. No one is having fun if someone is constantly saying that.
Chelsea: This pillow is basically just telling women to smile which is rude AF. You shouldn’t tolerate it from a man on a street and you shouldn’t tolerate it on your god damn pillow.
Joanna: Sad girls should live in a cave.
Chelsea: Yeah, keep the sad girls in a cave with no pillows.
Joanna: Sad girls don’t deserve pillows.
Chelsea: This would make a more appropriate background image.
Joanna: If someone said this to my face, I would cut them out of my life forever.
Chelsea: This is basically the worst advice you could give someone, especially if they were down. Like, yeah, there is always a reason: puppies. But you should just show them a puppy instead.
Joanna: Show don’t tell.
Joanna: I would like the inspirational decor industry to explain to me how there are moments of my day that I’m NOT living.
Chelsea: EXACTLY. Every moment I breathe, I am living. The real question is: Are you loving beyond words?
Joanna: Does that just mean sex? Like have sex all the time?
Joanna: I demand someone explain what this means. I do not understand.
Chelsea: This actually makes no sense.
Joanna: World’s Most Confusing Metaphor award.
Chelsea: Who’s the bee? Honey doesn’t come from roses.
Joanna: Is this about pollination? I think we’re missing some steps.
Chelsea: I would like whoever said this to contact us immediately and explain themselves.
Joanna: Nothing is more relaxing than reading the word “relax.” If you have to spell out the words “calm” and “relax” I don’t think the art is doing its job.
Chelsea: It’s confusing because relax sounds like a demand. So “calm” I read as “calm down!”
Joanna: If this were in my home, that Frankie Goes To Hollywood song “Relax! Don’t do it! When you wanna go to it!” would be in my head CONSTANTLY. These seashells have no chill.
Joanna: I don’t care if you think I’m pretty you stupid plaque.
Chelsea: Why do they always want to tell us to smile??
Joanna: Goal: Don’t have emotions.
Chelsea: The weirdest thing about these is I think they are trying to be non materialistic but they still really emphasize attractiveness. Just wish it would stop telling me how to live my life.
Chelsea: Oh, okay, guess I’ll show up naked to work and start flying!!!
Joanna: How does one “dream a life”? How can I stop doing it if I don’t know what it means?
Chelsea: My dreams can be really stressful so no thanks.
Joanna: Last night I had a stress dream that I was cleaning up Chinese food someone spilled on the floor.
Joanna: This is the most stressful advice I’ve ever received. It feels like a PSA for the mind police. Are they reading my thoughts right now?
Chelsea: WATCH YOURSELF, OR ELSE.
Joanna: People with bad habits have their organs harvested for the greater good.
Chelsea: There’s actually a better summary of this: “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” -Ice Cube.
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