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    22 Home Decor Pieces That Will Make You Wish You Were Dead

    You're not the boss of me, decorative pillow.

    by ,


    Chelsea: This one seems like an ominous death threat, like a nightmare where I walked into a room, someone locked the door behind me, and then whispered it through the crack.

    Joanna: This is the most stressful thing I've seen in a long time.


    Joanna: I like to imagine that the person saying this is screaming it.

    Chelsea: I'm also picturing a woman standing in her yard, screaming, with no shirt on but big ol' undies and coffee, screaming at her kids to get in the car to go to school. Maybe this is my future. Unclear. Either way, the person who's doing this is not well and is clearly at a breaking point.


    Chelsea: I think this fundamentally misunderstands what it is to be human and alive.


    Chelsea: Ever been on a vacation with someone who keeps being like, "Omg, I'm so relaxed! Aren't we having fun? We're having so much fun!" every five seconds? It's like that. No one is having fun if someone is constantly saying that.


    Chelsea: This pillow is basically just telling women to smile which is rude AF. You shouldn't tolerate it from a man on a street and you shouldn't tolerate it on your god damn pillow.

    Joanna: Sad girls should live in a cave.

    Chelsea: Yeah, keep the sad girls in a cave with no pillows.

    Joanna: Sad girls don't deserve pillows.


    Joanna: Translation: Death comes for us all.

    Chelsea: Honestly, this kind of thing sends me into an anxiety spiral where I do the opposite of making the day count. Also that hourglass is already half way done!!!!!

    Andrew_mayovskyy / Getty Images

    Chelsea: This would make a more appropriate background image.


    Joanna: If someone said this to my face, I would cut them out of my life forever.

    Chelsea: This is basically the worst advice you could give someone, especially if they were down. Like, yeah, there is always a reason: puppies. But you should just show them a puppy instead.

    Joanna: Show don't tell.


    Joanna: I would like the inspirational decor industry to explain to me how there are moments of my day that I'm NOT living.

    Chelsea: EXACTLY. Every moment I breathe, I am living. The real question is: Are you loving beyond words?

    Joanna: Does that just mean sex? Like have sex all the time?


    Joanna: I demand someone explain what this means. I do not understand.

    Chelsea: This actually makes no sense.

    Joanna: World's Most Confusing Metaphor award.

    Chelsea: Who's the bee? Honey doesn't come from roses.

    Joanna: Is this about pollination? I think we're missing some steps.

    Chelsea: I would like whoever said this to contact us immediately and explain themselves.


    Joanna: If someone really said this out loud they would not have any friends.

    Chelsea: That person is a virgin who can't drive.


    Joanna: Nothing is more relaxing than reading the word "relax." If you have to spell out the words "calm" and "relax" I don't think the art is doing its job.

    Chelsea: It's confusing because relax sounds like a demand. So "calm" I read as "calm down!"

    Joanna: If this were in my home, that Frankie Goes To Hollywood song "Relax! Don't do it! When you wanna go to it!" would be in my head CONSTANTLY. These seashells have no chill.


    Joanna: I don't care if you think I'm pretty you stupid plaque.

    Chelsea: Why do they always want to tell us to smile??

    Joanna: Goal: Don't have emotions.

    Chelsea: The weirdest thing about these is I think they are trying to be non materialistic but they still really emphasize attractiveness. Just wish it would stop telling me how to live my life.


    Chelsea: Oh, okay, guess I'll show up naked to work and start flying!!!

    Joanna: How does one "dream a life"? How can I stop doing it if I don't know what it means?

    Chelsea: My dreams can be really stressful so no thanks.

    Joanna: Last night I had a stress dream that I was cleaning up Chinese food someone spilled on the floor.


    Chelsea: This is...problematic.

    Joanna: I don't think a BUTTERFLY is qualified to be making broad generalizations about mental health.

    Chelsea: You know what's also a choice? To not write stupid shit on pillows.


    Joanna: This is the most stressful advice I've ever received. It feels like a PSA for the mind police. Are they reading my thoughts right now?


    Joanna: People with bad habits have their organs harvested for the greater good.

    Chelsea: There's actually a better summary of this: "Check yourself before you wreck yourself." -Ice Cube.


    Joanna: This sign should just say "ANXIETY."

    Chelsea: Also untrue because it's been scientifically proven she has more hours in the day.


    Joanna: This just seems like a mean high school principal.

    Chelsea: Yeah, this seems like the same teacher who would say, "I DON'T KNOW CAN YOU?" when you asked if you could go to the bathroom. I fucking get it but I need to pee.


    Joanna: OK, OK, OK. Do I have to do all of these things at once?

    Chelsea: What if my heart desires to enjoy the big things?

    Joanna: CHECK and MATE.


    Joanna: This is literally too many words to read.

    Chelsea: If you know someone who owns this phone case it's a huge red flag.

    Joanna: This sounds like the ranting of a drunk person.


    Chelsea: Everything about this bums me out.

    Joanna: Get that nymph some clothes. She looks cold.

    Chelsea: It's like someone stole her shit and she's hoping they'll bring it back.


    Chelsea: It worse to write about success but not proofread. I think this is a good example of "at least we tried!"

    Joanna: It way worse.


    Chelsea: This is huge for something that's telling me to enjoy the little things.

    Joanna: Like I'm gonna take orders FROM A WALL?


    Chelsea: This puts a lot of pressure on a baby.

    Joanna: Breaking: Your mom didn't even write that.

    Check out more expensive home decor items that will make you want to cry and run away.

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