15 Reasons Why Original England Is Better Than New England

This is a response to 35 Reasons New England Is Way Better than Regular England. THE 35 BIGGEST LIES EVER TOLD.

1. On Friday 13th, a travesty occurred.

2. In ‘Regular’ England, people reacted with shock

3. Even top brass got a bit upset.

4. Some upstarts from across the pond were trying to ‘throw shade’.

5. And they invited a response. So here are the 15 reasons New England is categorically not as good as old England.

6. 1. Stunning views? Check.

7. 2. Oh, you have a nice lighthouse? It’s so lovely that you build them on land.

8. That’s where ours go to retire.

9. 3. Cog railway? Yeah, we have them. In fact, the first one ever was between Middleton and Leeds in Yorkshire. We focus more on modern railways now though. Did you know we have a tunnel to FRANCE?

10. ‘Oh, England is an Island?’. Ummm, no. Great Britain is an island. England is a great country on an island.

11. 4. We do have an awful lot of them, though. Here’s St. Michael’s Mount.

Which by the way, you can walk to at Low Tide.

It also has it’s own underground railway. New Hampshire? Pfft.

12. 5. Straight Highway? Our Motorways are not that boring. Here’s Spaghetti junction.

13. 6. Think that’s a gorge? New England, Imma let you finish, but Cheddar has one of the best damn gorges of ALL TIME.

And it’s where Cheddar Cheese comes from. You’re welcome, world.

14. 8. Ok, talking about castles? REALLY?

15. I mean, come on.

16. Seriously.

These castles ought to be numbered themselves.

17. 9. No ‘Mount Constitutional monarchy’, I’m afraid. But here’s Scafell pike.

18. 10. Meriden is yours, we don’t want it. We see you Meriden and raise you BATH.

20. 12. Weird names? Only one thing to say to that.

21. 13. We have natural bridges, too. Here’s Durdle Door.

22. 14. You bet your arse there’s a Warwick, England. And guess what it has? That’s right, an epic castle.

23. 15. Pfft, ‘Want to get away from it all?’. If you can’t handle the city, you don’t deserve nature. Dartmoor would eat you alive with its harsh beauty.

24. And you can keep your foxes.

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