On Friday 13th, a travesty occurred.
In 'Regular' England, people reacted with shock
Even top brass got a bit upset.
And they invited a response. So here are the 15 reasons New England is categorically not as good as old England.
1. Stunning views? Check.
2. Oh, you have a nice lighthouse? It's so lovely that you build them on land.
That's where ours go to retire.
3. Cog railway? Yeah, we have them. In fact, the first one ever was between Middleton and Leeds in Yorkshire. We focus more on modern railways now though. Did you know we have a tunnel to FRANCE?
‘Oh, England is an Island?’. Ummm, no. Great Britain is an island. England is a great country on an island.
4. We do have an awful lot of them, though. Here’s St. Michael’s Mount.
5. Straight Highway? Our Motorways are not that boring. Here’s Spaghetti junction.
6. Think that’s a gorge? New England, Imma let you finish, but Cheddar has one of the best damn gorges of ALL TIME.
8. Ok, talking about castles? REALLY?
I mean, come on.
9. No 'Mount Constitutional monarchy', I'm afraid. But here’s Scafell pike.
10. Meriden is yours, we don’t want it. We see you Meriden and raise you BATH.
11. Or York
12. Weird names? Only one thing to say to that.
13. We have natural bridges, too. Here's Durdle Door.
14. You bet your arse there's a Warwick, England. And guess what it has? That's right, an epic castle.
15. Pfft, ‘Want to get away from it all?’. If you can’t handle the city, you don’t deserve nature. Dartmoor would eat you alive with its harsh beauty.
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