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1.A Gillette Fusion5 men's razor that comes with four anti-friction blade heads and a lubrication strip that fades to alert you when to switch to a new one before you nick yourself.
2.A pair of stainless beard and mustache scissors with comb and faux-leather case, for those times when any single little hair growing out of your head (be it from your chin, nose, or ears) needs to get gone as fast as possible.
4.A tube of paraben-free Cremo Original shave cream made with natural ingredients including macadamia seed oil, aloe, lemon, papaya, and olive leaf extracts so you can avoid all those unpleasant nicks, scratches, and razor burns.
5.A rotary Philips Norelco Shaver 3800 for a dry shave or a refreshing wet shave with gel or foam that's totally cool about taking a shower with you. Get 60 minutes of shaving (that's about 20 shaves on average) with a single one-hour charge.
6.A tube of Shea Moisture full beard detangler made with Maracuja oil and Shea butter, because sometimes your beard gets all knotted and you know you want it looking smooth and shiny at all times.
7.A jar of fragrance-free, water-based Bossman "Mudstache" mustache wax to put the old soup-strainer through basic training to grow "away from your mouth and upper lip."
8.A Perfecto shaving brush, because nothing works up a nice lather for a straight razor like 100% pure badger hair bristles (but please don't try rubbing an actual badger against your face to exfoliate, this brush will do that too).
10.A starter Bevel shave kit which includes a safety razor, shave creams, oil, balm and 20 blades to prime, hydrate, and restore your skin while offering an irritation-free shave each and every time.
11.A wooden beard comb and case for applying oils and balms to your facial follicles or to combing food out of your beard before anyone can say, "Let me guess, you had tacos for lunch?"
12.A Philips Norelco grooming kit with a trimmer for beard, head, body, and face, that, yeah, basically covers any part of you with unwanted hair emanating from it.
13.A block of Gentleman Jon made from 100% potassium alum (a natural antiseptic with astringent properties) that'll travel well in its own plastic case, stopping irritation and bloody nicks wherever you may roam (even if it's not too far from home).
14.A bowl of Proraso shaving soap for lathering up for a completely classic barbershop shave packed with purifying eucalyptus and menthol for that refreshing, straight-from-the-barber's-chair feeling.
15.An all-natural Northern Fir beard oil made with argan and jojoba oils and lightly scented with notes of cedar wood, black pepper, and juniper berry, because sometimes you want to feel like you just stepped out of the woods even though you just left your bathroom for the couch.
16.A Clubman styptic pencil (you know, that brand with the top-hatted dandy that you see in every barbershop) that does one thing and does it really well: stops bleeding fast!
18.A Braun Series 7 electric foil "smart razor" that adapts to your beard whether you're shaving wet or dry. The "Clean & Charge" station will even automatically lubricate and juice up your shaver for up to 50 minutes of cord-free grooming.
19.A three-pack of Nivea Men sensitive shaving gel made with chamomile, witch hazel extracts, vitamin E, and no alcohol (which means no burning), so even the most irritable of faces can enjoy a smooth shave.
Listen, unless your name is Danny Trejo, you're going to need more than a straight razor (or in his case a machete) to get a consistently clean, close, nick-free shave.
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