On Friday afternoon, dozens of protesters met outside parliament to demand the repeal of new regulations restricting the sale of UK pornography. By sitting on each other's faces.
The protest was organised by Charlotte Rose, former sex worker of the year and friend of ex-Lib Dem MP Lembit Opik.
Here's organiser Charlotte Rose. She is talking about spanking to this bashful man. #pornprotest
Jamie Ross@JamieRoss7Follow
Here's organiser Charlotte Rose. She is talking about spanking to this bashful man. #pornprotest
11:55 AM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
Beforehand she pledged to break the record for the "biggest face-sitting event of all time" and hoped to have hundreds of people taking part.
The new restrictions, which came into effect on 1 December, ban certain extreme acts from being sold online by UK porn companies, including:
Essentially, if it can't be legally sold in a sex shop with an R18 rating, a film cannot be sold online in the UK.
To fans and creators of such porn, this is an affront to freedom of expression and the right of consenting adults to create what they want. They argue it will simply shift production overseas.
Protesters began turning up with signs.
Some were simple.
And some were pretty personal.
And then – without warning – the face-sitting began, yards away from parliament.
Miss Absolute, a professional dominatrix, kept shouting at reporters to keep away from her cup of tea.
This man wore a snorkel before being sat on, in an attempt to mock the supposedly life-threatening danger posed by face-sitting.
Man wears snorkle outside parliament to keep breathing during #pornprotest
Jim Waterson@jimwatersonFollow
Man wears snorkle outside parliament to keep breathing during #pornprotest
12:19 PM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
And this man started a chant while being sat on.
"What do we want?"
"FACE-SITTING!"
"When do we want it?"
"NOW!"
(You might want to turn the sound on for this one.)
This is Boom Boom, who dressed up as Santa and implored people to sit on his face.
You're alright mate. #pornprotest
You're alright mate. #pornprotest
12:57 PM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
(Eventually he succeeded in finding a willing participant.)
And then outbreaks of (simulated) face-sitting were everywhere.
Some people were being led around on chains.
The Authority for Television on Demand (ATVOD), the regulator of online paid-for video, came in for a lot of stick.
The little-known regulator has pushed for the new rules, which were introduced with little debate or attention.
And everywhere there were people face-sitting. Even on a grey December afternoon outside parliament.
This man, who gave his name as Sebastian, turned up with a toy called Scat Monkey.
Sebastian said it was Scat Monkey, not himself, who enjoyed face-sitting.
Many of the protesters complained that the banned acts affected women more than men.
A common complaint was that a woman can be filmed choking on a man's penis but a woman can not be filmed while sitting on a man's face.
The protesters were split roughly 50/50 between men and women.
Some people made powerful speeches while face-sitting.
Porn performer and producer Ashley Ryder complained that the new regulations were restricting the number of jobs in the UK.
He said the UK was missing out on tax revenue and new jobs due to the new rules, "I was going to set up my own studio specialising in fisting and employed four people plus performers," he said.
As fisting is one of the acts banned by the new rules, Ryder is unable to sell his videos while based in the UK.
"Now I have to fly the crew to Berlin and Canada. I've been fisting myself for 13 years and now I have no job. You wouldn't cut off the employment of someone who went to medical school for 13 years. My case is not that different."
Some people wore chest-based dildos.
There were scenes such as this.
Yep. #pornprotest
Yep. #pornprotest
12:49 PM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
And there was lots of shouting at the prime minister.
Dave is a self-described spanking fan who wants to warn people about "Ceiling Cameron", who is "watching you masturbate".
Even actor Rupert Everett had sent words of support.
Powerful words from Rupert Everett. #pornprotest
Powerful words from Rupert Everett. #pornprotest
12:29 PM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
During the speeches one common complaint was that the laws favour traditional, heteronormative porn.
"People shouldn't get hung up about particular acts being banned – this is about free speech," said one speaker. "The state is trying to take control of the internet. We need to stop that happening."
And then the climax: All the protesters came together for the finale as they attempted to break the record for the biggest face-sitting event ever.
Some knew each other, some were newly acquainted, and some lay on the floor begging for people to sit on them. In total there were 21 pairs of face-sitters.
Everyone was handed this song sheet of a slightly modified version of "Sit on My Face" by Monty Python.
Well good heavens. This song sheet is being handed out to everyone. #pornprotest
Well good heavens. This song sheet is being handed out to everyone. #pornprotest
12:25 PM - 12 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite
And then organiser Charlotte Rose led the crowd in a singalong.
The protesters joined in, although some voices were a bit muffled for some reason.
Guinness World Records declined to adjudicate on the event. But we can confidently say this was the largest mass face-sitting in UK history.
The entire event was polite, well-policed, and – in a strange way – very, very British.
Lawyer Myles Jackman, a specialist in obscenity cases, told the crowd that it was up to them to fight against internet censorship: "Consenting adults should be able to view and do what they want in the privacy of their own homes, with consent."
