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21 Questions Trans People Are Sick Of Hearing

Education is important, but some things just don't need to be asked. And yet every trans person has heard these too many times...

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But what's your real name?

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We've all gotten this one a million times. The name I told you is my real name, even if it's the not the one I got slapped with when I was born.

What bathroom do you use?

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Seriously. Why would you ask another human being that question? (Incidentally, it's whichever one I feel safest in, preferably a single-user one.)

But what's it actually say on your birth certificate?

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That's a weird thing to ask anyone, but you've gone and made it wildly offensive as well. Good job!

My [distant acquaintance] is trans; do you know them?

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No, I don't have some psychic connection to all other trans people. ... But we probably have at least three Facebook friends in common because we do kinda all know each other. Whoops.

What do your parents think?

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Whether my parents are supportive or terrible, their opinions don't have anything to do with my gender - or with you, for that matter!

But what about your job?

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What about it? I'm either out or I'm not and either way it does not effect you.

Can I see a picture of you "before?"

Can I see a picture of you the worst you've ever looked and felt? That would make you uncomfortable? Huh, imagine that!

Why would anyone want to be a girl/boy?

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It's not about what I "want to be;" it's about what I am!

How do you have sex?

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It's just not a thing you ask someone and yet I basically got this from a professor one time. True story.

How did you know?

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How did you know your gender? See? Makes no sense.

What kind of underwear do you wear?

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Why would you even ask that unless you're planning on buying me some? How my body fits into my clothes is none of your business!

Which one is a trans man and which one is a trans woman?

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The one with the word "woman" in it is for women and the one with the word "man" in it is for men. Had to give an impromptu lecture on this one time. At work.

Are you gay?

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Maybe, but that has nothing to do with being trans!

So do you totally love [any TV show with a trans character]?

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Do you really want to get me started on trans representation in the media?

How long have you known?

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Just hush. If I'm going to tell you my life story, that's for me to decide.

Can I see your ID?

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Do you think I'm under 21 and want to serve me a drink? Because I'm pretty sure you just want to see my gender marker, legal name, and a terrible picture of me not passing. So no.

What if you want kids?

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Then I'll have kids! Or I'll adopt!

Can you explain [basic thing about trans people]?

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Only after you explain why you can't use Google.

Have you had The Surgery?

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Do I start with the fact that there are a lot of kinds of gender affirmation surgeries or with the fact that it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS?

Aren't you scared?

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Right now, I'm scared that I'm going to strangle you for asking dumb questions! If you really care about trans safety, then you'll go and educate yourself.

Wait. You're trans???

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Yes, I am. And, no, it's not a compliment that you "never would have known."

Bonus: You're so brave.

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I am not now, nor will I ever be, your inspiration porn. Thanks.

So next time you're thinking of asking a trans person one these questions remember this simple rule: don't.

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