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The 13 Stages Of Visiting An Absintherie

Green Fairy, show yourself...

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There are very few places in the world where Absinthe is entirely legal and there are even fewer Absintheries (bars which are entirely made up of all the Absinthe you could ever get your hedonistic hands on).

Prague, Czech Republic, is a goldmine for such arguably delicious, poisonous substance and we visited one to see what all the fuss was about...

If you're not familiar with the maze like streets of Prague and you happen to be google maps challenged, this probably wont be the easiest of tasks for you.

Absintheries aren't a tourist attraction so finding one in the hidden side streets of Prague's old town will make you feel like you've just been sent on a quest by the Empress of Fantasia.

"I'd like one Absinthe please" is probably not the best way to fit into one of these seriously cool establishments.

So you walk in with an attitude that suggests you drink Absinthe on the reg, you sit down at whatever free bar stool you can find, and you ask for the menu. You can't even make eye contact with the bar tender, you're probably too cool for that.

Stage 3: You start off slow by ordering something with a reasonably low percentenage...

...Unfortunately that "low" percentage comes in at about 70-75%.

But by this point you've been drawn in by the alluring green interior, low lit-lighting and decadent atmosphere - so screw the percentage, right?

Stage 4: You're starting to feel cheeky, but not too cheeky, so you order an Absinthe cocktail...

The people around you are definitely judging.

Stage 5: You're more relaxed now...

After sipping on a cocktail or two, blissfully unaware of the poison that is now swimming through your blood stream, you begin to take in your surroundings...

* Why is that guy sitting alone rubbing his leg?

* Why is there no music in this joint?

* Everything is green

* I like green

* Ooh I want one of them flaming Absinthe shots...

Stage 6: You order an Absinthe shot (diluted with water) because you are *ready*

You go for Absinthe King because you are now a fully-fledged bohemian and the effect still hasn't hit you yet...

And this is how you envisage yourself:

Stage 7: You see the Green Fairy...

NO YOU HAVEN'T, STOP LYING TO YOURSELF.

YOU'RE JUST DRUNK.

Stage 8: Is that Kylie Minogue from Moulin Rouge?

Nope, that's definitely your eye sight failing.

Stage 9: You've probably had enough Absinthe...

Nope, you've definitely had enough Absinthe.

You look like a fifteen year old who has just necked their first can of Carling.

Stage 11: Great Odin's Raven, that is some good stuff right there.

You are not, nor will you ever be Absinthe ready.

Stage 12: You ask for the bill...

After drinking yourself into an immediate oblivion, you fumble around in your pocket for your wallet...

...Only to discover that you've racked up a bill of around 2000CZK.

Plus table service.

Absinthe is an expensive, devious art...

Stage 13: You leave with your head filled with crushed dreams of fairies and a rollercoaster of new drinking phases under your belt...

You did it.

You didn't die.

You got a little giddy and contemplated your own death at one point but you left with your head held high and your legs stumbling down the cobbled streets.

And that's all that matters.

Absintheries, thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great. Ta'ra.

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