1. Bedbug covers for your mattress and box spring, so bugs that find their way to your bed won't be able to snuggle into the seams and ruin everything.
2. Foaming sealant to fill all the gaps and cracks around your home where bugs looove to burrow and hide.
3. A metal bed frame, so just in case you do fall victim to an infestation, those little life-ruiners won't be able to get much traction.
4. A combination stand-up and handheld vacuum with a HEPA filter, so you can get into the crevices where those little jerks hang out.
5. An ultraviolet flashlight so you can scout out any (ugh, sorry) telltale tiny blood spots on mattresses.
7. Dissolving laundry bags you can throw into the washing machine when you get back from a potentially infected hotel.
9. A bag of (pet- and kid-safe) diatomaceous earth, a powder made of fossilized plankton that will kill any bedbug that crosses its path, using the awesome power of desiccation.
11. Giant plastic bags you can stow your luggage in to keep out the tiny monsters when you're in a hotel.
12. An under-door sweep to prevent those brazen little assholes from strolling right in the front door.
You, reading this post (I'm so sorry):
Some reviews in this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.