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1. A super-durable, super-spacious, water-resistant, 120-liter Patagonia duffel bag — which also has convertible backpack straps — for all your backcountry (and frontcountry, tbh) journeys.
2. A compact, lightweight Therm-a-Rest sleeping pad to give you the best sleep of your life (in a tent, anyway).
3. Smartwool hiking socks, which are equally good for trekking in the woods or lounging on the couch.
4. A waxed fabric Fjallraven convertible tote/backpack, so you won't have to sacrifice comfort (or dry belongings) for style.
5. A pair of slip-on waterproof Sorel duck boots to prepare you for those April showers — and those inevitable spring blizzards.
6. A 40-ounce insulated bottle that will keep your water icy cold for 24 hours (or your hot beverages hot for up to six!), because it's about time you got a water bottle — might as get one that will last forever.
7. A three-person, three-season tent to keep you cozy and dry through all your nights in the great outdoors.
8. A 65-liter backpack to haul all your gear without causing you pain on the trail, no matter how much extra shit you've crammed in there.
9. An adorable, practical fleecy bear suit you should buy even if you don't have a baby or know any babies and keep until you meet a baby because it is JUST THAT CUTE.
10. A flat-brimmed corduroy baseball cap with a '70s surfer vibe, to keep you cool in every sense.
11. A fleece-lined Patagonia canvas parka that'll keep you warm without making you feel like a marshmallow man.
12. A pair of comfy, breathable Prana leggings so if at some point you decide to leave your house and go to a yoga class, you won't even have to change your pants!
13. An easy-to-carry insulated beer sling to keep your cans chilly on a hike, at the beach, on a picnic, or at a comparable outdoor activity of your choice.
14. A mummy sleeping bag rated to 35 degrees so you can sleep like a damn pharaoh wherever you are.
15. A pair of North Face waterproof insulated pants that you should buy now and snow-frolic in forever.
16. A cool pair of neutral sneakers you'll want to wear everywhere, and with everything, this spring.
17. A four-piece graphite trout fishing rod perfect for a newbie fly-fisherperson who just saw A River Runs Through It and is not crying, YOU'RE crying.
18. An adjustable climbing harness that will keep you safe and comfortable as you scale vertical rock faces like a boss.
19. A pair of waterproof hiking shoes, for when you want to hit the trail but you're not ready to commit to a boot.
20. A fleece pullover with a cute print you'll want to wear next to a bonfire.
21. A moisture-wicking thermal base layer to keep you warm even after you've sweat up a storm.
22. And a banana-printed backpack, for obvious reasons. Okay, there are other prints available, but clearly the bananas are the headline.
You justifying all your purchases:
Some reviews in this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.