20 Ways To Be Rich & Successful

Top tips to ensure you live a successful life...

1. Lower your expectations...

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Got a roof over your head? Congratulations... you are more successful than most of humanity.

2. The pursuit of success begins in high school. Choose subjects that have a valid career path.

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Pick a career path that guarantees a stable income. Oh, but music and dance nourish your soul? Too damn bad.

3. Before you decide on a career path - check there are jobs!

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Before contemplating further study and student debt - do a job search online! If your desired career has low results, do not proceed!!!

4. Do not move out of home until you are at least 25 years old!

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Desperate to move out of home at 18 and spread your wings? Screw that. Stay home with the parents while you study and work. Saving is your #1 goal...

5. Buy an apartment ASAP!

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Dreams of having a nice, big house are a fantasy. Sorry darlin' but this ain’t the 1980’s! Think two-bedroom apartment and if you get a dishwasher, thank your lucky stars.

6. Live in a small, cheap town. Die in that town.

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So... you want to move to the big smoke? Tough titties. Big cities are EXPENSIVE and they will suck every dollar from your bones. Think 'Gilmore Girls' 4 eva.

7. Marry a banker.

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Like creative moody types? Too bad sista. Marry a banker. Stable is your husband – you marry stable.

8. Better yet, stay single.

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It’s cheaper. Live in a house share, forever.

9. Do not have children.

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Frankly, it’s a luxury these days...

10. Pet ownership? Hell no.

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Pets are expensive time wasters. Besides, they won't fit in your tiny apartment. They will make you want to buy a house with a garden - this is a no-no.

11. If you have a child (shame on you) but do NOT privately educate them!

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I know, you want the best for your little time-suckers. But the school fees will bleed you dry. Take it off the table.

12. Forget holidays, they are a myth.

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But all your friends' social media is blowing up with euro pics? They've probably paid for it on credit cards. Just forget holidays even exist... sunbathe in your backyard - oh wait, you don't have one - in the park then.

13. Never host a dinner party.

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Having your friends over for a meal may be fun but it's havoc on your bank account. Do not host, do not attend and DO NOT go out for dinner, ever.

14. Car ownership is not an option.

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Car's are expensive. Instead, buy a bicycle (2nd hand). Live and work in the same place and do not travel outside this place. Occasionally you may get the bus.

15. Birthday parties are a no-fly zone...

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Do not have a party or treat yourself to expensive birthday presents... being financially comfortable comes at a price.

16. You do not NEED a mobile phone.

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Wondering why you can't get ahead financially? Get rid of all mod-cons. You may need to consider a career that doesn't require you to have a phone or internet, like a shepherd...

17. Get rid of that gym membership, fast.

Like sweating it out at the gym? I'm sorry, you can't afford it and if you can, SAVE! Besides, now you walk and cycle everywhere, you don't need it!

18. Eat cheap

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Eating healthy is expensive. Carb it up peeps.

19. Enjoy a good pedicure? Stop it.

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Enjoy the odd pamper and the feeling of freshly trimmed cuticles? Not anymore you don't.

20. Be alone.

If you follow all these rules, you WILL be rich. You will also be lonely, miserable and unhealthy, but hey...being successful comes at a price.