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    Posted on Jun 5, 2016

    Alcoholic Sparkling Water Exists And We Tried It

    "It... sticks to your teeth??"

    by ,
    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Here in San Francisco, the land of voter-approved soda taxes and constant peer pressure to do healthy things like "hike" and "camp," our office has become a team of OUT OF CONTROL SELTZER ADDICTS.

    Jess Misener / BuzzFeed

    Here is a pic of our current La Croix stash. Some people have been known to average five (5) cans a day, including one of our writers who has lovingly paired them with various meals. ("Strawberry pineapple is really more of a 'breakfast La Croix.'")

    We are also fans of the ~occasional~ adult beverage.

    Jess Misener / BuzzFeed

    This is the bottom half of our fridge. Don't worry, it NEVER gets touched before 5 p.m. I mean 4 p.m. Definitely not before 3 p.m.

    So naturally, when we learned of the existence of SELTZER THAT HAS BOOZE IN IT, we were quite excited.

    We snagged three kinds of boozy bubbles to sample.

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    The three brands that sent us samples to try are all clearly (get it?) going for a minimal, refreshing graphic design concept. But, as knowledgable seltzer pundits, we weren't swayed by the emperor's fancy clothes; we wanted to taste-test the seltzer's potentially pale and flabby underbelly.

    First, we tried a brand called Nauti Seltzer.

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    Nauti Seltzer comes from Massachusetts, where people drinking it are required by law to be wearing lobster pants and Sperries. It comes in four varieties: grapefruit, raspberry, lemon lime, and cranberry.

    Ainsley: "This is probably like if you wanted to get stealth drunk, like at church or during a PTA meeting."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Jess: "It tastes like a fruit flavored Coors Light."

    Matthew: "If this was all that was left at the party, I would drink it."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Sheera: "The pomegranate flavor tastes nothing like pomegranate."

    RATING: 2 bubbles

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    Next up was Truly Spiked And Sparkling.

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    Truly refers to its flavors as "Styles," which include pomegranate, grapefruit and pomelo and lime, and promotes itself as "just like sparkling water, but with 5% alcohol by volume."

    Truly also has the prettiest packaging. NOT THAT WE'RE SWAYED BY THAT.

    It also comes with pairing suggestions, like "aged cheddar and almonds."

    Jess Misener / BuzzFeed

    Farryn: "It smells like champagne and has a weird aftertaste."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Ainsley: "This is really bad. I would drink it if it were zero calories."

    Sheera: "It tastes like bad La Croix."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Jeff: "It's ~truly~ terrible."

    RATING: 1 bubble (out of 5)

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    Spiked Seltzer

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    Spiked Seltzer is 6% alcohol, and the company describes it as "clean and clear without the sugary sweetness of wine or the heaviness of beer." The beverage comes in Cape Cod Cranberry, Indian River Grapefruit, West Indies Lime, and Valencia Orange flavors.

    Brendan: "Cranberry isn’t terrible. Lime isn’t bad, but it feels like it sticks to your teeth."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Farryn: "The grapefruit flavor is best out of all of them. I'm digging it, and I don’t even like seltzer water."

    Jeff: "It tastes like a watered down white wine."

    Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

    Sheera: "But it doesn’t taste enough like wine."

    RATING: 3 bubbles

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    Conclusion: Alcoholic seltzer could be up your alley if you're seeking a less sugary alternative to Smirnoff Ice, or you're day drinking but don't like the taste of beer.

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    Otherwise, skip it, because you will be allowing a LOT of burps to shimmy up through your esophagus with very little reward to your tastebuds.

    Jeff Barron / David Bertozzi / BuzzFeed

    BUT. Here is a pro tip we discovered while buzzed on all the seltz: The best way to get smashed on seltzer is to put some vodka in the brand you already like.

    Jess Misener / BuzzFeed

    BELLISSIMO! *kisses fingertips*