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The Peloponnesian War As Told By "Hot Tub Time Machine"

It's getting hot in here, so take off all of your flanged bronze cuirasses, leg greaves, and other Spartan hoplite body armor.

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The Peloponnesian War was actually a series of conflicts loosely ranging from 434 to 404 BCE, with two major groups fighting for control of ancient Greece.

Contemporary Greece was a hot, bubbling cauldron of nascent civilization.


The war raged on. Pericles, the Athenian commander, was ultimately thrown off by one fatal blunder...

After he decided to bring the Spartan armies inside the fortified walls of Athens, rather than fight at Sparta, a plague broke out and weakened his own troops.


Eventually, after getting its ass kicked so much, Athens barely recognized itself.

It had suffered a tremendous loss of naval power, internal mutiny, the withdrawal of key allied support and a Persian intervention on behalf of the Spartans.


Years later, Thebes, Athens, Corinth, and Argos united to overthrow Sparta in the Corinthian War of 395 BCE.

No one really won that one, because Persia forced a treaty called the Peace of Antalcidas in 387, ending the war.

But given Greece's history, there was of course... a sequel to all the warfare.

Thebes ruled for awhile, then Macedonia took charge of a bunch of the city-states, and then Rome, replacing the leading role a la Adam Scott replacing John Cusack in Hot Tub Time Machine 2, annexed most of Greece.