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The 7 Douchiest Greek Gods

Don't date 'em, ladies.

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7. Hades

• Abducted Persephone and literally made her life hell• Trapped Theseus and Pirithous in the underworld using snakes
Via upload.wikimedia.org

• Abducted Persephone and literally made her life hell

• Trapped Theseus and Pirithous in the underworld using snakes

6. Dionysus

• Lured Pentheus into the woods and has his own mom unknowingly tear him to shreds• Made King Lycurgus slice his own son into pieces• Partied a lot obviously
Via joshuaunruh.com

• Lured Pentheus into the woods and has his own mom unknowingly tear him to shreds

• Made King Lycurgus slice his own son into pieces

• Partied a lot obviously

5. Hephaestus

• Had lots of ladyfriends• Caught his wife Aphrodite in bed with Ares, imprisoned them in a net, and took them to Mount Olympus for public shaming• Made his own mom sit on a magic golden throne that wouldn't allow her to stand back up
Via images2.fanpop.com

• Had lots of ladyfriends

• Caught his wife Aphrodite in bed with Ares, imprisoned them in a net, and took them to Mount Olympus for public shaming

• Made his own mom sit on a magic golden throne that wouldn't allow her to stand back up

4. Pan

• Turned his crush Syrinx into a flute• Had another crush, Echo, killed because she wasn't feeling it• Taught shepherds how to masturbate• Wrapped his junk in a sheepskin and seduced Selene, the moon goddess
Via publicdomainpictures.net

• Turned his crush Syrinx into a flute

• Had another crush, Echo, killed because she wasn't feeling it

• Taught shepherds how to masturbate

• Wrapped his junk in a sheepskin and seduced Selene, the moon goddess

3. Ares

• Got with Aphrodite while she was still married• Killed Adonis, who also wanted to get with Aphrodite• Basically murdered everyone• Had his throne on Mount Olympus made out of human skin• Was such a dick no Greek city wanted him to be their patron god
Via upload.wikimedia.org

• Got with Aphrodite while she was still married

• Killed Adonis, who also wanted to get with Aphrodite

• Basically murdered everyone

• Had his throne on Mount Olympus made out of human skin

• Was such a dick no Greek city wanted him to be their patron god

2. Poseidon

• Raped Medusa when she was a child• Slept with his sister Demeter, who turned into a mare to avoid him; he turned himself into a stallion and was like LET'S DO THIS• Screwed up Odysessus' journey by making him get in a shipwreck• Made King Minos' wife have an affair with a bull• Made a bunch of earthquakes when he got bored
Via markandrewholmes.com

• Raped Medusa when she was a child

• Slept with his sister Demeter, who turned into a mare to avoid him; he turned himself into a stallion and was like LET'S DO THIS

• Screwed up Odysessus' journey by making him get in a shipwreck

• Made King Minos' wife have an affair with a bull

• Made a bunch of earthquakes when he got bored

1. Zeus

• Had A LOT of mistresses• Hired a nymph to distract Hera from his affairs by talking incessantly• Turned into a bull and then raped Europa• Turned a woman into a tortoise for refusing to go to his wedding• Killed a guy with a thunderbolt for attempting to impersonate him, riding around in a bronze chariot and loudly imitating thunder (which is pretty hilarious TBH)• Made Prometheus have his liver eaten by a giant eagle every day• Threw one of his kids off Mount Olympus just because he was ugly
Via images.wikia.com

• Had A LOT of mistresses

• Hired a nymph to distract Hera from his affairs by talking incessantly

• Turned into a bull and then raped Europa

• Turned a woman into a tortoise for refusing to go to his wedding

• Killed a guy with a thunderbolt for attempting to impersonate him, riding around in a bronze chariot and loudly imitating thunder (which is pretty hilarious TBH)

• Made Prometheus have his liver eaten by a giant eagle every day

• Threw one of his kids off Mount Olympus just because he was ugly

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