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29 Tweets About New York That Will Make You Laugh

"I feel like New York: I'm cranky, dirty and never sleep."

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♫ Hey there Delilah / What's it like in New York City? / Oh it's expensive and bad / I'm sorry to hear that ♫

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So many times in New York where I think I'm lost then I realize they just took off the scaffolding that's been on this building for 7 years

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The flag of New York City should be someone with four bags opening a door with their shoulder.

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New York City is so sanitized now. I remember when the Pinkberry on Saint Marks offered bodily fluids as a topping.

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When I walk down the streets of New York City I am always truly amazed at how many different kinds of spit there are.

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I prefer regular taxis to Uber in NYC cause the driver and I can both treat each other like shit without worrying about getting a bad grade

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Living in New York City: Expectations vs reality

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Hey, New York City. It's not a competition. Go ahead and sleep a little if you get tired.

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I feel like new York Im cranky dirty and I never sleep

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Every seminal piece of writing about New York fails to mention "restaurant awnings with pictures of the food where the flash was left on."

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Walking in New York I make eye contact with people's dogs more than with people.

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NYC slogan idea: Come live in NYC, where you'll eat 60% of your meals standing over a sink or walking down the street.

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Every time I walk down a snowy New York street in my peacoat, I trick myself into thinking I'm going to go home and start my screenplay.

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A washing machine in your apartment makes you a king in New York, or just like everyone else anywhere else.

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The new J. Crew in Williamsburg is hosting a workshop on mini-pinata making next weekend, so don't worry, the arts in Brooklyn are thriving!

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Welcome to New York City! Where it smells like your toilet just did an hour of Bikram Yoga.

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Fun fact: On average New Yorkers say the words "New York" 37 times a day.

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It’s so cold in New York that I find myself calmly asking, “WHY THE FUCK DO I LIVE IN THIS FUCKING CITY?? FUCK THIS FUCKING HORSESHIT!”

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If life was like soccer, New Yorkers would have "stoppage time" added to the end of their lives for time lost on the subway.

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I know I just landed in NYC because it's not even 8 a.m. and multiple people are shouting.

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being upright spooned by a stranger on the subway is literally the only way I know how to start my day

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Success in New York is having furniture that only has one function.

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Queens is the new Brooklyn which is the new Manhattan which is the new Netherlands.

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I like that characters traveling to New York City is a whole genre of movie sequel.

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LaGuardia: New York's 70s Basement.

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I love New York so much I don't mind when the tv content in the cab starts repeating itself

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I bet the worst part about life in a leper colony is that one guy who keeps complaining about how much better the pizza is in New York.

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