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    29 Tweets About New York That Will Make You Laugh

    "I feel like New York: I'm cranky, dirty and never sleep."


    ♫ Hey there Delilah / What's it like in New York City? / Oh it's expensive and bad / I'm sorry to hear that ♫


    So many times in New York where I think I'm lost then I realize they just took off the scaffolding that's been on this building for 7 years



    The flag of New York City should be someone with four bags opening a door with their shoulder.


    New York City is so sanitized now. I remember when the Pinkberry on Saint Marks offered bodily fluids as a topping.


    When I walk down the streets of New York City I am always truly amazed at how many different kinds of spit there are.


    I prefer regular taxis to Uber in NYC cause the driver and I can both treat each other like shit without worrying about getting a bad grade


    Living in New York City: Expectations vs reality


    Hey, New York City. It's not a competition. Go ahead and sleep a little if you get tired.


    I feel like new York Im cranky dirty and I never sleep


    Every seminal piece of writing about New York fails to mention "restaurant awnings with pictures of the food where the flash was left on."



    Walking in New York I make eye contact with people's dogs more than with people.


    NYC slogan idea: Come live in NYC, where you'll eat 60% of your meals standing over a sink or walking down the street.


    Every time I walk down a snowy New York street in my peacoat, I trick myself into thinking I'm going to go home and start my screenplay.


    A washing machine in your apartment makes you a king in New York, or just like everyone else anywhere else.


    The new J. Crew in Williamsburg is hosting a workshop on mini-pinata making next weekend, so don't worry, the arts in Brooklyn are thriving!


    Welcome to New York City! Where it smells like your toilet just did an hour of Bikram Yoga.


    Fun fact: On average New Yorkers say the words "New York" 37 times a day.


    It’s so cold in New York that I find myself calmly asking, “WHY THE FUCK DO I LIVE IN THIS FUCKING CITY?? FUCK THIS FUCKING HORSESHIT!”


    If life was like soccer, New Yorkers would have "stoppage time" added to the end of their lives for time lost on the subway.


    I know I just landed in NYC because it's not even 8 a.m. and multiple people are shouting.


    being upright spooned by a stranger on the subway is literally the only way I know how to start my day


    Success in New York is having furniture that only has one function.


    Queens is the new Brooklyn which is the new Manhattan which is the new Netherlands.


    I like that characters traveling to New York City is a whole genre of movie sequel.


    LaGuardia: New York's 70s Basement.


    I love New York so much I don't mind when the tv content in the cab starts repeating itself


    I bet the worst part about life in a leper colony is that one guy who keeps complaining about how much better the pizza is in New York.

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