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Food

The Definitive Ranking Of Classic Holiday Foods

From fruitcake to mashed potatoes.

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Listen up ya'll, not all holiday foods are created equal. In fact, some are straight up gross!!

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So I decided to rank them — but only ones I have a strong opinion about, so don't expect a comprehensive list or anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let's start with the worst and work our way up to the best, shall we?

15. Fruitcake

Fruitcake sucks. I mean, does anybody like fruitcake? It's literally dry cake filled with artificially colored fruit that's been sitting on a grocery store shelf for months. GET IT OUT OF HERE.
Wideonet / Getty Images

Fruitcake sucks. I mean, does anybody like fruitcake? It's literally dry cake filled with artificially colored fruit that's been sitting on a grocery store shelf for months. GET IT OUT OF HERE.

14. Turkey

It's dry, tough, and doesn't deserve to be the star of any meal.
Lauripatterson / Getty Images

It's dry, tough, and doesn't deserve to be the star of any meal.

13. Candy Canes

These are for aesthetics only. Nobody wants to eat a candy cane. It's like sucking on hard toothpaste.
5second / Getty Images

These are for aesthetics only. Nobody wants to eat a candy cane. It's like sucking on hard toothpaste.

12. Ham

Dry, dry, dry! Even a glazing of maple syrup won't save it! Not into it.
Bhofack2 / Getty Images

Dry, dry, dry! Even a glazing of maple syrup won't save it! Not into it.

11. Canned Cranberry Sauce

I'm still not sure if people actually like canned cranberry sauce, or if it's just a nostalgia thing. Does anybody really look forward to eating it? No. The answer is no.
Jeffhochstrasser / Getty Images

I'm still not sure if people actually like canned cranberry sauce, or if it's just a nostalgia thing. Does anybody really look forward to eating it? No. The answer is no.

10. Eggnog

I'm fine with eggnog, but I get why people dislike it. Not offensive. Not great. Just fine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mizina / Getty Images

I'm fine with eggnog, but I get why people dislike it. Not offensive. Not great. Just fine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. Sweet Potato Casserole

I understand that sweet potato with marshmallows is controversial, but I like them. I'm also totally cool with savory ones, too. Any sweet potato casserole is a good sweet potato casserole.
Debbismirnoff / Getty Images

I understand that sweet potato with marshmallows is controversial, but I like them. I'm also totally cool with savory ones, too. Any sweet potato casserole is a good sweet potato casserole.

8. Green Bean Casserole

People can talk smack all they want about green bean casseroles, but I think they are great. It's like eating your veggies without being super healthy, which means it tastes good, which means it deserves to be number eight on this list.
Dreambigphotos / Getty Images

People can talk smack all they want about green bean casseroles, but I think they are great. It's like eating your veggies without being super healthy, which means it tastes good, which means it deserves to be number eight on this list.

7. Stuffing

Stuffing is basically just bread, so it deserves to be ranked high. I don't care if it's cooked inside a turkey, inside a roast, or in a baking dish — stuffing is always pretty good.
Bhofack2 / Getty Images

Stuffing is basically just bread, so it deserves to be ranked high. I don't care if it's cooked inside a turkey, inside a roast, or in a baking dish — stuffing is always pretty good.

6. Apple Cider

Apple cider is like a hug in drink form. It's the ultimate holiday drink and makes you feel ridiculously festive. (Oh, and you can spike it with bourbon if you're feeling crazy.)
Bhofack2 / Getty Images

Apple cider is like a hug in drink form. It's the ultimate holiday drink and makes you feel ridiculously festive. (Oh, and you can spike it with bourbon if you're feeling crazy.)

5. Pie

Apple, pecan, cranberry — they're all delicious.
Lauripatterson / Getty Images

Apple, pecan, cranberry — they're all delicious.

4. Brussels Sprouts

Brussels sprouts are one of the best veggies, hand down. There's a reason they are the go-to veggie for holiday dinners, and I stand by my decision to rank them so high.
Bhofack2 / Getty Images

Brussels sprouts are one of the best veggies, hand down. There's a reason they are the go-to veggie for holiday dinners, and I stand by my decision to rank them so high.

3. Dinner Rolls

Dinner rolls are not only delicious, but essential to any holiday meal. They allow you to soak up all of the wonderful sauces and drippings going on, and they are bread. Who doesn't like bread?
Fotobymatt / Getty Images

Dinner rolls are not only delicious, but essential to any holiday meal. They allow you to soak up all of the wonderful sauces and drippings going on, and they are bread. Who doesn't like bread?

2. Peppermint Bark

Peppermint bark is the holy grain of holiday candy. It's so good that it drives non cooks to venture into fancy cooking stores just to get the good stuff.
Msphotographic / Getty Images

Peppermint bark is the holy grain of holiday candy. It's so good that it drives non cooks to venture into fancy cooking stores just to get the good stuff.

1. Mashed Potatoes

Mashed potatoes are the perfect food. They're creamy, indulgent, and the ultimate holiday side. How could anybody dislike a bowl of buttery mashed potatoes? This will forever be my number one.
Robynmac / Getty Images

Mashed potatoes are the perfect food. They're creamy, indulgent, and the ultimate holiday side. How could anybody dislike a bowl of buttery mashed potatoes? This will forever be my number one.

So, there you have it: My personal ranking of holiday foods. Disagree? Agree? Hate me for ranking fruitcake last? Let's fight it out in the comments...

Disclaimer: I'm almost always wrong.

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