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We Don't Talk About Rape Enough

Rape is never okay. Regardless of the circumstances, without an explicit yes, it's rape. If one of them doesn't answer, it's not okay to go "well, that's not a no." That's rape.

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I wish that things could be fixed magically, that by just wanting something to get better, it does. However, that's far from the case. I don't think we as a society, myself included, are active enough in educating and preventing rape. I think there is far too much harm done by those that are perpetuating rape culture. What follows is all too close to home for me.

Uh...never. Why aren't these all 0%?

Raven Crimson / Via facebook.com

Like seriously...wtf. This was shared by a hometown acquaintance of mine with the text "What the hell? Our kids think rape is ok if...? NO ITS NEVER FUCKING OK!"

I couldn't believe what I was reading. I couldn't believe that such a large portion of males claimed it is okay to rape a female under certain circumstances. Most of all, I couldn't believe that females themselves claimed it is okay. I was disturbed, but I wasn't ready for the conversation between my two friends.

Our society is screwed. When I was raped, I was told it was my fault because I didn't tell anyone. Then I was told it was my fault because he was "a good kid with a future and he'd never do anything like that." 🙄
The first time I was told well you were dating him so he didn't rape you. The second time I was told you shouldn't have gotten drunk. I was at my cousins house with some friends celebrating our birthdays. The third time was my graduation party 3 boys I went to school with thought it was funny, no one could hear me bc of the music. The fourth time was in 2014 someone broke into my home in (location redacted) and raped me for hours with my babies in the room next to me. I'll never forget the words he said to me. "Scream..and I'll rape them while you watch." I was told that was my fault bc I took melatonin to help me sleep. After that one I had a mental breakdown tried to kill myself and got on pain killers really bad trying to make it all go away. I'll never be the same and my kids suffer bc of what was done to me. I have severe PTSD I'm super hypervigalant I have flashbacks and nightmares I scare easy and I don't ever let my kids have sleepovers at anyone else's house. They don't understand why they can't go to their friends houses and why I harp so much on stranger danger and bad touch OK touch. I always get asked why don't you like sex, I usually just say it's bc of my hormones but that's only partly true. Rape hurts people and hurt that persons family. The person who is raped will never be the same, their life stops and the rapist gets to go free and live his life like nothing ever happened.
I was 15 the first time 2nd time was my 16th birthday 3rd time was right before my 17th and the 4th was days after my 26th birthday. I don't celebrate my birthday anymore and I try not to leave the house the week before and after.
First time I was 15 when it started. It happened for 8 months. I was told it was my fault because I didn't tell anyone. I stayed doped out of my mind so I wouldn't feel the beatings or him forcing me anymore. He told me if I told anyone, he would kill my parents. "I know where they sleep, (commenter's name redacted)." I went from a 3.7 GPA to a 1.09, which everyone thought I was just being a bitch and acting out (so my sister said at the time). No one knew until my mom popped the lock on my bathroom door. She walked in when I was getting out of the shower and saw the bruises. He only left bruises that could be hidden by clothes. I still didn't admit all that he done. I was ridiculed and called a slut by his lawyer in court. (Name redacted) wasn't my first. He was my second (unwillingly) so that automatically meant I wanted it apparently. My second, I was 18. I had just broke off a relationship because he wanted to get married. I freaked. I was at a friends house, drunk. (Turns out I had alcohol poisoning.) Someone stopped by and was giving another friend a ride home so I asked him if he would take me home too. Idk when, how or why because I was blacking out at this point but we ended up in that motel across from (location redacted). She watched while he raped me. Last I remember was telling him "I will remember this tomorrow." To this day, I still see her. I still hate her. That rage is there. She was sober and she watched. My oldest daughter goes to school with hers. Makes me physically ill. When I was 22, I wasn't raped but I ended up in the ER. I found out the guy I was seeing was on drugs. In a matter of hours all my stuff was packed and moved. He wanted to "explain." I was stupid. When I wouldn't be "convinced," he tried to crush my windpipe. He pinned me down, bashed in the side of my face, and told me I would never see my daughter again as he tried to strangle me. I fought with everything in me. I gashed open my leg on a table trying to get away. I lived in an apartment so I kept screaming and throwing things at the wall trying to wake my neighbor. When she came, he took off. Another minute and idk if I would be here today. Between 22 and 26, I dated a few guys. For some reason I felt like I HAD to try. They all beat me. Or tried. (Name redacted) slammed a truck door into my 7 months pregnant stomach and caused me to go into preterm labor. (Name redacted) tried to put my head thru a wall. The list goes on. I will be 31 in December. I did get married. Not many survivors can. Even after over 4 years of marriage, my husband still has to say "I'm not going to hurt you." I still wake up screaming. I still have flashbacks. Certain times of the year are especially hard. If I see someone associated with the attacks, I freak. I have left countless buggies full in the middle of a store. I grab my kids and go. I've tried everything possible to forget. It isn't possible. I still have days where I blame myself. But everyday, I will stand up and be an advocate for abuse. It's been my way of dealing with it. I am a survivor. I am not alone. And neither are you. Or anyone else. It's helped me tremendously to know that I'm not alone. People can call me "crazy" or whatever else to help themselves sleep at night. I'll own it. I'll gladly be the crazy one of that means it's raising awareness for things like this. This is not okay. It'll never be okay. No means no. We are not the problem. People who think this is okay are the problem. People who think there's an excuse for such behavior, they are the problem. Everyone deals with such things differently. Making an excuse for people who do these things is not how anyone should deal with it.(not included in screen shot: "Sorry for the book.")
Don't apologize. I advocate for abuse victims as well. When I was still in the military I was a victims advocate which meant I would get calls at all hours to come in to talk to a victim and go with them to the hospital to hold their hand through the rape kit. They take so long and are kinda traumatizing as well. I have seemed to be with crazies as well. The rape at 15 was my first bf he would hold me down and rape me vaginally and anally. He would tie me to a chair and put me in his closet while he played video games and come in to taze me with a tazer when he got bored. He even stapled my jeans to my thigh with a staple gun. He was a horrible person he had a girl who I thought was my friend "(name redacted)" watching me at school and reporting back to him. I got beat and raped alot bc of her. (name redacted) was his name and I hope he rots in hell.

I decided to write this article with their permission to so they could be heard. I hope their voices can give other victims, both female and male, strength to come forward and get help so that we can stand together, or at the very least, I hope this can give them something to hold on to because they aren't alone.

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