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7 Secrets For Attracting A Potential Alien Abuctor

The abduction world is difficult and scary! Even with the tons of abduction apps out there on the web, it's still hard to put yourself out there and find the "one" who will bring you to their home planet and cut open your body for alien science.

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1. Make yourself emotionally available


A major part of being abducted by the right alien is simply letting yourself be open to that. You have to leave the last aliens who abducted you in the past so that you can move on and meet the one who will abduct you in the future.

2. Make yourself physically available


Being emotionally available is all well and good but it's even more important to be physically available! Good places to meet aliens include (but aren't limited to!) cool night clubs, dark wooded areas, tied up naked to a tree in an empty cornfield, or on your roof with a giant sign that reads "someone please take me!"

3. Dress provocatively and stand out from the crowd

Via Flickr: digital_ramapge

It's difficult to find a good alien abductor because aliens are so different from us in every single way. What we do know from science, though, is that aliens are attracted to humans who stand out by being an individual--and the easiest way to be an individual is by dressing differently than your peers! Don't be afraid to show some skin (aliens look at skin when assessing a potential abductee).

4. Flirt physically

Casual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. Another thing that you can do is wear a shirt that says something like "Please take me because I am very lonely and no one would even notice that I'm gone." Or better yet, don't wear a shirt at all. Wearing no clothing indicates that you are ready and willing to be abducted because you have no commitments, not even to clothing.

5. Smile and laugh at their jokes often


It takes less muscles to smile than frown and it takes even less muscles to not resist being taken from your bed in the middle of the night by a strong beautiful alien abductor. Aliens don't want to rip sad people from their boring lives and take them to their home planet forever. They want to take happy people! Plus it's very easy to offend an alien by not laughing at their jokes.

6. Don't be afraid to try something out of your comfort zone


Meeting new aliens is about trying experiencing new things and adapting to their way of life. Every alien probes differently and it's important to try to accept their way of doing things of you want to accept them into your new life with them.

7. Wait


In the end, there's not really much you can do to better your chances of being abducted by the perfect alien. We live in a society where aliens swoop in, take whatever human they want, and leave promptly. And we have to accept that. You can try whatever abduction apps you want but ultimately you just have to wait for that perfect alien to come and take you away and there's really nothing you can do to better your chances or prevent that from happening.

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