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24 Things That Happen When You Join Weight Watchers

Oprah makes it look so easy.

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1. You start weighing everything.

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Yourself. Your cereal. Your slice of bread. Anything for those extra points.

2. You realise your portion sizes were waaaaay off before you joined.

The first time you measure out your usual mountain of pasta and find out that it's nearly your entire points allowance in one go is a dark day.
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The first time you measure out your usual mountain of pasta and find out that it's nearly your entire points allowance in one go is a dark day.

3. You experience complete JOY when you find out something you like isn't that high in points.

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You can eat TWO instead!

4. You find a whole new world of recipe blogs and Weight Watchers Instagram accounts.

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Instagram used to be for photos of boozy nights out; now you can spend a whole evening liking other people's progress pictures and finding recipe ideas.

5. You get immense pleasure when you see how many Fit Points you earned for a gym visit.

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Running becomes more bearable when it translates into pizza points.

6. People on Connect know more about you than your friends and family.

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It's Weight Watchers' version of Instagram and Twitter all in one, and only people with the app can see it so it's a lot more private. OVERSHARE AWAY!

7. Food shopping takes way longer because you're scanning every barcode with your Weight Watchers app.

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You don't even want to buy half of the stuff, you're just nosy about how many points it has.

8. You grab snacks by the basketful.

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You feel like you're being judged for having an entire basket of chocolate biscuits, but they're Weight Watchers biscuits and they wouldn't like you when you're hangry.

9. You try to save all of your weekly points for the weekend.

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Hard, but so worth it.

10. You feel complete rage when a recipe doesn't turn out the way it did in the book.

Jane at the group meeting said it tastes just like a Chinese takeaway! Jane is a filthy liar.
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Jane at the group meeting said it tastes just like a Chinese takeaway! Jane is a filthy liar.

11. The rivalry between people who follow the new plan and those who long for the old one is better than any soap opera.

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Points Plus, Smart Points, No Count days… some people swear by the old plan and you'll have to take their book from their cold, stubborn hands.

12. You wear the lightest clothes possible to weigh in.

Every little helps, indeed. You'd strip down to your pants if it were acceptable.
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Every little helps, indeed. You'd strip down to your pants if it were acceptable.

13. And you sometimes don't eat all day before going to weigh-in.

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You know you shouldn't do it, but you convince yourself it makes a difference.

14. You become the master of arty food photos.

You spent ages making that healthy dinner, so you make damn sure it looks good.
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You spent ages making that healthy dinner, so you make damn sure it looks good.

15. You learn that bodies are weird and unreliable.

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Some weeks you hardly stick to plan and lose 3lb, other weeks you're strict and gain?! How does that work?

16. You're pretty sure you could beat Rachel Riley and Carol Vorderman at maths now.

You're a whizz at calculating points in your head. Practice makes perfect!
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You're a whizz at calculating points in your head. Practice makes perfect!

17. You spend ages changing the quantities on the app to make the points better...

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"One slice for 3, or two slices for 5?"

18. ...even if that means sometimes bending the truth to your group leader or to a loved one.

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Sometimes you just need chocolate.

19. How you feel about your progress changes on a day-to-day basis.

One day you feel amazing and like the plan is the best thing ever, the next you wonder why you bother and you feel like everything looks terrible.
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One day you feel amazing and like the plan is the best thing ever, the next you wonder why you bother and you feel like everything looks terrible.

20. You rage when people lose more than you even though they had four takeaways.

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"IT'S NOT FAIR, I only had a few chips…and a multipack of crisps."

21. You'll spend hours trying to create healthier versions of your favourite fast food.

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A Weight Watchers tortilla wrap, chopped tomatoes, reduced-fat cheese… It's just not the same, but it'll have to do.

22. You get unreasonably excited about any new Weight Watchers item.

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Some people get excited about new books or a new film. You get excited about new crisps.

23. You realise that Oprah is all of us.

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She's the spokeswoman for Weight Watchers, and you relate so hard.

24. Sometimes you'll feel like giving up, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Cheesy, but true.
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Cheesy, but true.