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    24 Gifts For Anyone Whose Mind Is In The Gutter

    Proud member of the naughty list, reporting for duty.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    Hey! While we’re doing our best to make sure the products we feature will arrive in time for Christmas, shipping times can vary depending on where you live, which product you purchase, and more. Be sure to double check the retailers’ websites for shipping information to ensure that your gift will arrive in time for the 25th!

    1. A set of six wine bottle condoms that'll have them saying, "chardonheyyyy."

    Amazon

    That's right, always use protection. In this case, it will protect their wine from spoiling too soon!

    Promising review: "So funny, yet practical! They work great. I was a bit skeptical but can honestly say they are as functional as funny! I had a small get together and everyone wanted one! Great job!" —Reed

    Get a set of six from Amazon for $19.97

    2. Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook, a book that, if you aren't on the naughty list yet, will surely land you there! At least you'll have some delicious chicken to keep you company.

    Amazon

    Some recipes include: Dripping Thighs, Sticky Chicken Fingers, Vanilla Chicken, Chicken with a Lardon, Bacon-Bound Wings, and MORE!

    Promising review: " I knew this book was bound to be funny (I mean come on, it's called Fifty Shades of Chicken and has a chicken all tied up on the front), but I did not realize how dirty most of the jokes would be/definitely geared more towards women. But my brother-in-law loved it, including how there were half-naked men modeling with the food in the book! All of the dishes have racy names and he went through every single page laughing and saying how much he loved it."—Sarah

    Get it from Amazon for $17.99.

    3. An adult coloring book called The Big Adventures Of Tiny Dick for the hilarious dick pic your friends would actually want to receive.

    Amazon, amazon.com

    Promising review: "This thing is hilarious. My family will all be getting colored masterpieces for Christmas this year." —Caim

    Get it from Amazon for $4.99.

    4. A cordless wand vibrator with over 20 vibration modes for anyone blessed enough to be on the naughty list this year.

    Amazon

    It also has eight speeds which means you (or whoever you gift it to) can go as fast or as slow as they want.

    Promising review: "Never had an orgasm in my life (or ever reviewed a product) until this vibrator came in the mail. I'll keep it nice and simple, this thing does miracle work. You won't regret the purchase!" —CAJ

    Get it from Amazon for $17.99 (available in two colors).

    5. Or a waterproof Satisfyer Pro 2 with 11 sucking modes ranging from gentle to intense that'll give "and a happy new year" a whole new meaning.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I vote to rename this product 'Orgasmatron 5000.' Not kidding. I was pretty hesitant to spend that much on a toy, but it is absolutely worth every penny. When the instructions say 'it's even better in the bath,' they aren't kidding, and the settings go from what I would call 'gentle murmur' up to 'HOLY #$@%!!' Don't forget to try it on your nipples as well. If you possess a clit, you NEED this toy. Do it" —Amelia

    Read, This Sex Toy Sucks In All The Right Places And People Truly Swear By It for more on why people are obsessed.

    Get it from Amazon for $39.95.

    6. A bunch of hilarious oven mitts that'll gas up even the most seasoned chef.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Got this as a present for my sister who is a baker and she loves it."—TheGirlWithNineLives

    Get them both from Amazon for $12.99 and $12.99.

    7. A set of festive ~shot-glass sized~ ornaments you fill with alcohol so you can deck the halls with boozy balls .

    Firebox

    Promising review: "Great fun, good size. Filled them with desert wine as Xmas gifts! everyone loved them"—Customer

    Get it from Firebox for $13.99.

    8. A coffee mug that'll stay dirty no matter how often you wash it.

    Amazon

    Get it from Amazon for $16.78 (available in six styles).

    9. A game described as "basically jizz roulette" for the perfect white elephant gift.

    Firebox

    I use the term "gift" very lightly here.

    How to play: Load whatever liquid you want into the device. Spin the dial on the left ball to find out how many pumps you have to take until you pass to the next player. Spin the dial on the right to find out where you have to aim it, then get to pumping!

    Promising review: "We all have that inappropriate friend who gets all your innuendos and dirty jokes. This is the appropriately inappropriate game for them"—Customer

    Get it from Firebox for $26.99

    10. A selfie stick and tripod stand with a wireless remote to help you take better angled nudes. Use the development of technology to our advantage people! Do yourself or your friend a favor, and put an end to neck cramps.

    Amazon

    On top of you now being able to take :fire: nudes, this selfie stick turns into a tripod in seconds by simply unfolding the bottom part of the selfie stick! Length extends from 7.9 inches to 26.6 inches!

    Promising review: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Actually the best selfie stick I've ever put my paws on. I love a good selfie (let's be real) and this contraption makes it quality easy. The dual feature with stick + tripod in one is magical, pair it with the bluetooth remote (that TUCKS INTO THE STICK?! you'll never lose it!) and you've got one hell of a selfie tool. The remote charges up super quickly and is easy to pair/use. The gunmetal coloring on the extension portion is a great bonus. Super sleek and profesh-looking (because duh, ain't nothing more professional than a selfie stick!) 10/10, highly recommend. Go get your selfie on!" —kathryn durkin

    Get it from Amazon for $21.99 (available in two colors).

    11. A pair of Pierre The Penis Slippers to keep your feet as warm as your blushing cheeks.

    Firebox

    Get it from Firebox for $35.99

    12. A set of lipsticks, or lipdicks if you will, for a beauty lover with a great sense of humor.

    amazon.com, Amazon

    Promising review: "I bought these as a joke but they actually have a really impressive formula. They have a semi satin/matte finish and they last ALL day. I mean all day. Not blotchy at all. Plus it causes everyone I share one with to have a nice chuckle." —ms

    Get the set of 12 colors from Amazon for $14.45.

    13. Porn For Women, a raunchy book of men doing chores around the house and saying things like, "As soon as I finish the laundry, I'll do the grocery shopping. And I'll take the kids with me so you can relax" — wow someone please bring me a glass of water.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Absolute FUN! I keep one copy on my coffee table and enjoy watching my guests "try" not to look, but eventually when they can't take it any more and peek inside, they burst out laughing at how fun it is. This book makes a great gift and a great go-to book for a smile. I love it."—Alibi

    Get it from Amazon for $10.18.

    14. A pair of socks perfect for the Scrooge in your life.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Good quality, perfect for giving a message to my boyfriend on those occasional days when all I want to do is relax and be left alone."—Nikya

    Get it from Amazon for $3.99 (available in six colors).

    15. A 60 page checkbook of sexy IOUs and UOMEs so they have a list they'll want to check twice!

    Amazon

    Promising review: "We love it, so fun! Something different and creative, these checks really help. They give you excellent and hot ideas!" —Alexa

    Some checks included say things like, "UOME...your undivided attention.", "IOU...an opportunity to liquidate your assets".... you get the picture!

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

    16. A knit cozy for your favorite member of the family. It's officially #SweaterWeather, and you can never be too prepared.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I bought this as a gag gift for my fiancé. He laughed for 20 minutes! Says it's easily the best gift he got this year." —Nicolette72

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99.

    17. A tea-bagging tea infuser, because who doesn't love a good double entendre.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Got this as a gag gift for my mom and she thought it was the funniest thing. She drinks a lot of tea and is looking forward to buying more loose leaf now that she has this. The look on her face was priceless when she asked me, 'Why do these look like balls?' I was actually impressed with how well the lid stays attached since it's made of rubber." —Terra Cotta

    Get it from Amazon for $14.95 (available in three colors).

    18. A wine pourer who'll be as excited as they are to be drinking this holiday season.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "I being a bottle of wine and this when I visit folks and it becomes the topic of conversation. Everyone loves it. Big hit at the party!"—Thomas

    Get it from Amazon for $7.99.

    19. An interesting twist on a classic book of sex positions, The Llama Sutra coloring book, which is sure to bring some laughter — and education — into their life.

    Comedy Central

    Having trouble coloring in the lines? No prob-llama, there are no rules here.

    Promising review: "Bought this for a friend as a semi-gag semi-serious trying to make you laugh type gift. This coloring book is hilarious and we both fell in love with it. Even though llamas are in the title it also has pictures of sloths and unicorns as well as the llamas in various provocative positions. This is a not safe for work or for kids, however on that same note they are in suggested positions but you don't see any actual bits and pieces of genitalia. Honestly it is funny enough I'm tempted to purchase it for myself as well."—sarah lee

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99.

    20. A bed sheet set with a beautiful pattern of naked bodies, because you're wanting more inspo for the next time you take nudes.

    Urban Outfitters

    Sizes "Full", "Queen", and King" sheet sets include 2 pillowcases, flat sheet and fitted sheet. "Twin XL" sheet set includes pillowcase, flat sheet and fitted sheet.

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $59 (available in sizes twin–king).

    21. A shower curtain to remind them of the most important step to take before getting wet.

    Urban Outfitters

    Promising review: "The coolest shower curtain! I love this curtain. It was everything I expected, very great quality!"—Customer

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $49.

    22. A bar of soap with "butt" on one side and "face" on the other so you know which side to use in the shower. It's hysterical but also practical!

    Amazon

    Promising review: "This soap is great! It smells nice (classic soap smell, so I smell nice and clean) and my husband thinks it's hilarious. I think it'd make a great gift for anyone with a sense of humor. The words are imprinted pretty deep into the soap too, so you can read it even when the bar is half-gone."—Bethany

    Get it from Amazon for $10.95.

    23. A handmade wired ring so whoever they've got their eyes on won't have to read between the lines.

    PASSIONandLOVE

    Get it from PASSIONandLOVE on Etsy for $13 (available in sizes 4–15 and seven colors).

    24. An exciting holiday sweater that'll win them "most polarizing sweater" at this year's holiday party.

    Amazon

    Promising review: "Maybe it's the sultry, curve hugging knit. Maybe it's the powerful imagery of polar bears doin' what comes natural. Maybe it's just the additional pheromones coming out in my sweat when I wear this thermodynamic wonder. I don't know WHAT it is. But the ladies are lining up around the block, all of a sudden." —Henderson

    Get it from Amazon for $15 (available in sizes S–XL).

    Live footage of you reading this post.

    Disney / Via Giphy

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed