25 Gifts For Anyone Whose Mind Is In The Gutter
Proud member of the naughty list, reporting for duty!
We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A set of six wine bottle condoms that'll have them saying, "chardonheyyyy."
That's right, always use protection. In this case, it will protect their wine from spoiling too soon!
Promising review: "So funny, yet practical! They work great. I was a bit skeptical but can honestly say they are as functional as funny! I had a small get together and everyone wanted one! Great job!" —Melissa Reed
Get a set of six from Amazon for $13.97.
3. An adult coloring book called, The Big Adventures Of Tiny Dick for the hilarious dick pic your friends would actually want to receive!
4. A stocking stuffer with over 20 vibration modes for anyone blessed enough to be on the naughty list this year.
It also has eight speeds which means you (or whoever you gift it to) can go as fast or as slow as they want.
Promising review: "Never had an orgasm in my life (or ever reviewed a product) until this vibrator came in the mail. I'll keep it nice and simple, this thing does miracle work. You won't regret the purchase!" —CAJ
Get it from Amazon for $19.69 (available in two colors).
5. Or a waterproof Satisfyer Pro 2 with 11 sucking modes ranging from gentle to intense that'll give "and a happy new year" a whole new meaning.
Promising review: "I vote to rename this product 'Orgasmatron 5000.' Not kidding. I was pretty hesitant to spend that much on a toy, but it is absolutely worth every penny. When the instructions say 'it's even better in the bath,' they aren't kidding, and the settings go from what I would call 'gentle murmur' up to 'HOLY #$@%!!' Don't forget to try it on your nipples as well. If you possess a clit, you NEED this toy. Do it" —Amelia
Read, This Sex Toy Sucks In All The Right Places And People Truly Swear By It for more on why people are obsessed.
Get it from Amazon for $44.95.
6. A bunch of hilarious oven mitts that'll gas up even the most seasoned chef.
Get it from Amazon for $12.99 (available in 14 styles).
7. An eggplant bottle for anyone who likes to get a little saucy.
Get it from Firebox for $18.99.
8. A coffee mug that'll stay dirty no matter how often you wash it.
Get it from Amazon for $10.85 (available in six styles).
10. A selfie stick and tripod stand with a wireless remote to help you take better angled nudes. Use the development of technology to our advantage people! Do yourself or your friend a favor, and put an end to neck cramps.
On top of you now being able to take :fire: nudes, this selfie stick turns into a tripod in seconds by simply unfolding the bottom part of the selfie stick! Length extends from 7.9 inches to 26.6 inches!
Promising review: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Actually the best selfie stick I've ever put my paws on. I love a good selfie (let's be real) and this contraption makes it quality easy. The dual feature with stick + tripod in one is magical, pair it with the bluetooth remote (that TUCKS INTO THE STICK?! you'll never lose it!) and you've got one hell of a selfie tool. The remote charges up super quickly and is easy to pair/use. The gunmetal coloring on the extension portion is a great bonus. Super sleek and profesh-looking (because duh, ain't nothing more professional than a selfie stick!) 10/10, highly recommend. Go get your selfie on!" —kathryn durkin
Get it from Amazon for $21.99 (available in two colors).
11. A set of lipsticks, or lipdicks if you will, for a beauty lover with a great sense of humor.
Promising review: "I bought these as a joke but they actually have a really impressive formula. They have a semi satin/matte finish and they last ALL day. I mean all day. Not blotchy at all. Plus it causes everyone I share one with to have a nice chuckle." —msgirl08
Get the set of 12 colors from Amazon for $17.95.
12. A raunchy book of men doing chores around the house and saying things like, "As soon as I finish the laundry, I'll do the grocery shopping. And I'll take the kids with me so you can relax" — wow someone please bring me a glass of water.
Promising review: "Hot! Hot! Hot! This was delightful! Hot guys with their shirts off, looking soulfully at you and doing chores." —Sheherazahde
Get it from Amazon for $9.96.
14. A 60 page checkbook of sexy IOUs and UOMEs so they have a list they'll want to check twice!
Promising review: "We love it, so fun! Something different and creative, these checks really help. They give you excellent and hot ideas!" —Alexandra
Some checks included say things like, "UOME...your undivided attention.", "IOU...an opportunity to liquidate your assets".... you get the picture!
Get it from Amazon for $9.99.
15. A coffee table book that'll be the fastest conversation starter of their life.
Get it from Amazon and Barnes & Noble for $9.95, Firebox for $10.39 or from a local bookseller through IndieBound.
16. A knit cozy for your favorite member of the family. It's officially #SweaterWeather, and you can never be too prepared.
Promising review: "I bought this as a gag gift for my fiancé. He laughed for 20 minutes! Says it's easily the best gift he got this year." —Nicolette72
Get it from Amazon for $9.99.
17. A tea-bagging tea infuser, because who doesn't love a good double entendre.
Promising review: "Got this as a gag gift for my mom and she thought it was the funniest thing. She drinks a lot of tea and is looking forward to buying more loose leaf now that she has this. The look on her face was priceless when she asked me, 'Why do these look like balls?' I was actually impressed with how well the lid stays attached since it's made of rubber." —Terra Cotta
Get it from Amazon for $14.95 (available in three colors).
18. A cheeky noodle bowl + chopstick set they'll never pho-get.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $14 (available in two colors).
19. A complete collection of the Playboy centerfolds from 1953–2016 for anyone who wants a sexy slice of history on their coffee table.
The book begins with the most iconic centerfold of Marilyn Monroe. It continues from there to show the centerfold from every edition from 1953 to February 2016. Plus, this new edition is complete with a new essay written by Elizabeth Wurtzel detailing the evolution of Playboy in the last decade.
Promising review: "A great collection of beautiful women with about nine years added from the last one. A welcome addition to any collection." —gambitrmp
Get it from Amazon for $50.99.
20. A wine pourer who'll be as excited as they are to be drinking this holiday season.
21. An interesting twist on a classic book of sex positions, The Llama Sutra coloring book, which is sure to bring some laughter — and education — into their life.
Having trouble coloring in the lines? No prob-llama, there are no rules here.
Get it from Amazon for $4.25, Barnes & Noble for $8.99, or a local bookseller through IndieBound.
22. A shower curtain to remind them of the most important step to take before getting wet.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $49.
23. A sandalwood-scented soap-on-a-rope in the form of two big nuts for a stocking stuffer that'll be dirty and clean!
Promising review: "As a kid I used to buy my dad soap-on-a-rope all the time so now that I'm an adult I purchased this version of the classic as a gag-gift for my dad. My dad loved it, he got a good laugh out of it. It's packaged very nicely and is a good size bar of soap." —Patricia Zelno
Get it from Amazon for $13.42 (available in three styles).
24. A handmade wired ring so whoever they've got their eyes on won't have to read between the lines.
Get it from PASSIONandLOVE on Etsy for $9 (available in sizes 4–15).
25. An exciting holiday sweater that'll win them "most polarizing sweater" at this year's holiday party.
Promising review: "Maybe it's the sultry, curve hugging knit. Maybe it's the powerful imagery of polar bears doin' what comes natural. Maybe it's just the additional pheromones coming out in my sweat when I wear this thermodynamic wonder. I don't know WHAT it is. But the ladies are lining up around the block, all of a sudden." —K. Henderson
Get it from Amazon for $28.55 (available in sizes S–XL).
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The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
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