17 Things English Majors Are Tired Of Hearing

Frankly, my dear, we don't give a damn.

1. "So are you going to be a teacher?"

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You're a math major, are you going to be a calculator?

2. "I just really wanted to have a practical major."

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You're right. Words are totally impractical, that's why nobody uses them.

3. "So do you just read all the time?"

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Precisely. And it's awesome. I got to make out with Mr. Darcy earlier, what did you do today?

4. "I like to read too, I just wish I had the time."

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Yes, I'm an English major because I just didn't have anything better to do.

5. "I wanted to major in English but my parents would have killed me."

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Yeah, my parents considered murdering me, but I guess they decided that doing what I love while pursuing a degree probably isn't the worst offense.

6. (On a date): "Are you going to put this in your book?"

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Don't flatter yourself.

7. "But, like, what's the point of poetry?"

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I don't know, what's the "point" of life?

8. "It must be so nice having a light course load."

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Try carrying my backpack.

9. "So are you one of those hipsters that smokes cigarettes and drinks black coffee all day?"

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I'm an English major, not a film noir character.

10. "Me and Sarah — sorry, Sarah and I... You must be a total grammar Nazi."

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Don't worry, I only judge you on the inside.

11. "Oh, creative writing? Sometimes I write for fun too!"

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Yeah, trying to plumb the depths of the human condition is a real walk in the park. I like to do it in my spare time too.

12. "I've been up all night, this problem set is killing me. It must be so nice to just write an essay."

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It must be so nice to have a major where there are right answers.

13. "So are you applying to law school?"

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No... are you?

14. "I'm so excited for my humanities requirement! I really need a break."

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Totally! Try ENGL312: Queer and Marxist Critical Readings of Beowulf. Easy A.

15. "A humanities degree in this economy? Do you ever regret that?"

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I tend not to regret the things that give my life meaning.

16. "But, like, what are you going to do for money?"

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I don't know, it's a really tough economy. The only jobs left for me are the ones that can't be done by machines.

17. "Could you edit my [cover letter, essay, email to my grandma]?"

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Sorry, I have no employable skills with which to do that.