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    Nov 10, 2014

    18 Classical Composers, Ranked By Hotness

    Players gonna play.

    18. Wilhelm Richard "Velvet Cap" Wagner

    Getty Images Hulton Archive

    Here we see Wagner reclining on a basket of flowers, all like, "You can ride my Valkyrie, sweetheart." Too bad Willy was NOT a chill guy.

    17. Peter "Giggle Chins" Tchaikovsky

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    Give me a man who can rock a three-piece tartan suit any day.

    16. Frederick "Lady Killer" Chopin

    Getty Images General Photographic Agency

    Freddy, baby, nocturne me.

    15. Johann "O Rly?" Sebastian Bach

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    Don't you just want to touch whatever is under that wig?

    14. Claude "Little Hands" Debussy

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    Clair de Hottie, am I right?

    13. Johannes "Skeletor" Brahms

    Getty Images Kean Collection

    Put away those lullabies, doll.

    12. Franz "Wild Thang" Schubert

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    Those luscious sideburns, that itty cleft chin, those mysterious wire spectacles... What happens when the bow tie comes undone?

    11. Ludwig "Fireball" van Beethoven

    Getty Images / Henry Guttmann

    I hear he's amazing with his hands.

    10. Alexander "The Tickler" Scriabin

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    Mazurkin' me crazy with that faraway gaze, Xander!

    9. Wolfgang "Micky Blue Eyes" Mozart

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    Requiem for my pants.

    8. Robert "Baby Face Bobby" Schumann

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    Don't you just want to tuck a little strand of that hair behind his ear, kiss him on the forehead, and leave butterfly kisses all over his chin? Or is that just me.

    7. Erik "Big Papa" Satie

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    Erik likes to be tickled under his chin.

    6. Sergei "Soft Face" Rachmaninov

    Getty Images Keystone

    No wedding band on that left hand, Sergei.

    5. Anton "Mad Flow" Rubinstein

    Getty Images W. and D. Downey

    That pout.

    4. Igor "Gropes-a-Lot" Stravinsky

    Getty Images / Harry Todd

    Have you heard The Rite of Spring? Now imagine that...

    3. George "Sup Ladies" Gershwin

    Getty Images General Photographic Agency

    Just looks like the kind of guy who smells of aftershave and starch.

    2. Franz "The Man" Liszt

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Liebestraumming my heartstrings, Franzy.

    1. Edvard "Snuffleupagus" Grieg

    Getty Images Hulton Archive

    The kind of face you want to wake up to every morning, listenin' to Peer Gynt on the record player while Eddie brews you a cup of strong Norwegian coffee and draws open the French windows of your bedroom so that little blue jays might perch atop the nightstand beside you... Am I right? Guys? Am I right?

    This post originally showed a photo of the very foxy Soulima Stravinsky in place of his father, Igor. This egregious error has been rectified and the correct, heart-stoppingly handsome Stravinsky has been put in his place.

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