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18 Classical Composers, Ranked By Hotness

Players gonna play.

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18. Wilhelm Richard "Velvet Cap" Wagner

Here we see Wagner reclining on a basket of flowers, all like, "You can ride my Valkyrie, sweetheart." Too bad Willy was NOT a chill guy.
Getty Images Hulton Archive

Here we see Wagner reclining on a basket of flowers, all like, "You can ride my Valkyrie, sweetheart." Too bad Willy was NOT a chill guy.

17. Peter "Giggle Chins" Tchaikovsky

Give me a man who can rock a three-piece tartan suit any day.
Getty Images / Hulton Archive

Give me a man who can rock a three-piece tartan suit any day.

16. Frederick "Lady Killer" Chopin

Freddy, baby, nocturne me.
Getty Images General Photographic Agency

Freddy, baby, nocturne me.

15. Johann "O Rly?" Sebastian Bach

Don't you just want to touch whatever is under that wig?
Getty Images Hulton Archive

Don't you just want to touch whatever is under that wig?

14. Claude "Little Hands" Debussy

Clair de Hottie, am I right?
Getty Images Hulton Archive

Clair de Hottie, am I right?

13. Johannes "Skeletor" Brahms

Put away those lullabies, doll.
Getty Images Kean Collection

Put away those lullabies, doll.

12. Franz "Wild Thang" Schubert

Those luscious sideburns, that itty cleft chin, those mysterious wire spectacles... What happens when the bow tie comes undone?
Getty Images / Hulton Archive

Those luscious sideburns, that itty cleft chin, those mysterious wire spectacles... What happens when the bow tie comes undone?

11. Ludwig "Fireball" van Beethoven

I hear he's amazing with his hands.
Getty Images / Henry Guttmann

I hear he's amazing with his hands.

10. Alexander "The Tickler" Scriabin

Mazurkin' me crazy with that faraway gaze, Xander!
Getty Images / Hulton Archive

Mazurkin' me crazy with that faraway gaze, Xander!

9. Wolfgang "Micky Blue Eyes" Mozart

Requiem for my pants.
Getty Images / Hulton Archive

Requiem for my pants.

8. Robert "Baby Face Bobby" Schumann

Don't you just want to tuck a little strand of that hair behind his ear, kiss him on the forehead, and leave butterfly kisses all over his chin? Or is that just me.
Getty Images Hulton Archive

Don't you just want to tuck a little strand of that hair behind his ear, kiss him on the forehead, and leave butterfly kisses all over his chin? Or is that just me.

7. Erik "Big Papa" Satie

Erik likes to be tickled under his chin.
Getty Images Hulton Archive

Erik likes to be tickled under his chin.

6. Sergei "Soft Face" Rachmaninov

No wedding band on that left hand, Sergei.
Getty Images Keystone

No wedding band on that left hand, Sergei.

5. Anton "Mad Flow" Rubinstein

That pout.
Getty Images W. and D. Downey

That pout.

4. Igor "Gropes-a-Lot" Stravinsky

Have you heard The Rite of Spring? Now imagine that...
Getty Images / Harry Todd

Have you heard The Rite of Spring? Now imagine that...

3. George "Sup Ladies" Gershwin

Just looks like the kind of guy who smells of aftershave and starch.
Getty Images General Photographic Agency

Just looks like the kind of guy who smells of aftershave and starch.

2. Franz "The Man" Liszt

Liebestraumming my heartstrings, Franzy.
Getty Images / Hulton Archive

Liebestraumming my heartstrings, Franzy.

1. Edvard "Snuffleupagus" Grieg

The kind of face you want to wake up to every morning, listenin' to Peer Gynt on the record player while Eddie brews you a cup of strong Norwegian coffee and draws open the French windows of your bedroom so that little blue jays might perch atop the nightstand beside you... Am I right? Guys? Am I right?
Getty Images Hulton Archive

The kind of face you want to wake up to every morning, listenin' to Peer Gynt on the record player while Eddie brews you a cup of strong Norwegian coffee and draws open the French windows of your bedroom so that little blue jays might perch atop the nightstand beside you... Am I right? Guys? Am I right?

This post originally showed a photo of the very foxy Soulima Stravinsky in place of his father, Igor. This egregious error has been rectified and the correct, heart-stoppingly handsome Stravinsky has been put in his place.

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